Friday, December 9, 2011


I was down almost 20 lbs! I got so excited I gained back 6 of them. Yuck. And yikes!

I was only half-assing my weight loss program, still weighing in, still exercising, but not tracking foods and not exercising to my fullest ability. I'd walk a half mile and call it good ... for a week.

When I started this program I posted all the time on here about how I wanted to hold myself accountable, be responsible and take this seriously. That worked for about 6 months and then in September I went on vacation for two weeks and when I got back completely let myself go.

It wasn't until I got on the scale last Friday and I realized my weight was creeping back up that it occurred to me that I've let it slip away again.

I don't want to go back to weighing over 330 lbs.

I don't want to go back to being winded walking up one flight of stairs at work.

What I do want is to be under 300 lbs so I can use my Wii Fit board that my amazing husband got me for Christmas a year ago (My original goal? To be there by October...which was totally reachable until I started slacking.)

What I do want is to take my daughter for bike rides, and fit in an airplane seat without being self-conscious of the person sitting next to me.

What I do want is to be healthy.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Finding creative ways to exercise

It seems like I've written about this before? But I looked back through my archives and couldn't find it.  Could be that it's on one of my previous blogs that I've deleted or something.  Either way, now that winter is here and the rain and wind is back it's harder for me to get out in the weather and exercise.

One thing I hate, but I do anyway because I know it's good for me, is stair climb.  My office is on the 3rd floor of an office bldg and whenever I come in or go out, I take the stairs (Unless I'm with my pregnant friend and co-worker who gets a little topsy-turvy on stairs!).  If I stop taking them for a day or two and then take them again, I can definitely feel the burn!  I'm still too overweight and when I get to the top, I'm usually out of breath, but the more I do it, the easier and less painful it gets.

Another thing I do is take the long way! There are several routes around my office, I can cut through a conference room to get to my bosses office or I can go around it and I usually go around it to get in the extra steps.   I also make as many trips as possible.  While trying to maintain efficiency in my job, I try and walk the office as much as possible.

I also am a believer in the little desk exercises people recommend (Lunges, back stretches, desk pushups...etc.).  Not only for the exercise but also because I read an article once where a news journalist died in Iraq from a blood clot he got from sitting too long without moving around.  I'm TERRIFIED now that it's going to happen to me so I'm and moving as much as possible!

Anyway, that's how I exercise at work and how I sort of make-up for maybe not walking as much at home when it's pouring rain outside.

Do you exercise at the office?  If so, how do you do it?  Do you skip the elevator and take the stairs?

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In

Weigh-In: 321.4 lbs
Change from last week: -1.0 lbs

If you've been a follower of my blog for more than a minute, (and if you're still here) you'll know that over the summer my weight loss stalled for several long agonizing whine-filled weeks. I went on vacation in September and lost 5 lbs and then proceeded to lose another 6 lbs the next few weeks after that.

Now, it would appear that I've gained a few of those pounds back and stalled again. Granted, I haven't gotten much in terms of exercise this last week because of the back problems, but I've been eating right, and before my back had issues I was getting exercise.

To say I'm frustrated again is a severe understatement. I have been working incredibly hard to not let this kill my motivation and so far I'm holding up OK. I went out lastnight and bought some new much-needed workout clothes and this morning went for a walk with The Kid and The Dog in the freezing cold morning weather (Still no snow. COME ON! Just a little bit???). I feel better, my back is improving more and more everyday and I feel good about what I'm eating.

This next week is a short work-week and Hubs and Kid leave Friday morning for a short trip which will give me time to myself for some hiking time, and while I always miss them when they go on these short trips to visit his family, I do enjoy the time alone because the guilt factor for doing what I want goes down drastically.

Next week is a new week, right? Keep your chin up! (Or in my case...chins. Har har har)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Ohhhhh hello Mr. Back Problems

I'm getting old.

There's no other way to say it that will make the hit any softer.

I'm getting old. And I'm fat.

And with those two ailments comes problems. Back problems to be exact.

Sunday night I was sitting in my recliner and when I got up, I must've gotten up kind of awkward or something because all of a sudden I was paralyzed. Couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't even talk to tell The Family that I was paralyzed. It was the worst, most shocking pain I've ever experienced. It truly felt like I'd cracked a rib or something. There was a muscle so deep in my back and I pulled it good.

By Monday morning I was in bed and still half-paralyzed, and by now it was spasming like nuts. Today I was feeling a teeny bit better and ended up going in to work. I haven't been able to walk more than a few feet without it spasming, I can't lift my hands over my head, and I was supersuperthisclose to letting The Hubs spoon feed me lastnight because I couldn't move my arms.

Here's hoping I recover quickly! Not only do I want to start exercising again, but breathing without sharp pains shooting through your body is a good thing I hear!

Monday, November 14, 2011


I love Thanksgiving. And I love food. Especially holiday food. My mom makes the best stuffing, and I usually make home made macaroni and cheese for my husband who isn't a big fan of most of the traditional sides. We made cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, turkey, stuffing, rolls, and pie. Lots of pies. I love all pie, I'm not discriminatory.

However, since I'm on this weight loss kick this year, I have had to make some adjustments to my menu. I'll be making several of my dishes from the Cooking Light recipe index.

I'll be making one of their recipes for Macaroni and Cheese although I haven't picked one specific recipe yet.

The Kid and I want to make an apple pie together.

And.....if she can be persuaded to give up her delicious recipe, I might try and make my own stuffing this year.

We'll also have to make some of the usual desserts too, I always make The Hubs a chocolate pudding cream pie and this year The Kid wants to make chocolate chip cookies.

What's on your menu this year?

Friday, November 11, 2011


I thought that 11.11.11 was supposed to be some magical day where all the good luck fairies fall out of the sky and make all your dreams come true?

That's not how my day went!

First, I wake up to find that I've gained a pound (*sssobbbb*) and then I go to Starbucks for my Skinny Vanilla Latte and a breakfast bar (Their triple berry coffee cake = to.die.for) and my total comes to $6.66. Not too much of a big deal since I'm not super superstitious, right?

I go to my car and plug in my iPhone so I can listen to it on my drive to work. I put it on my favorites playlist and song number 66 of 666 comes on. OK, now I'm getting worried.

I get to work and try to text my husband this: "Remind me to..." and my big fat fingers misspell "Remind" and my lovely auto correct "fixes" it by putting in "Demon"...

OK. Time to go home, yes? Yikes.

I made it through the day and we ended up having a really nice day that ended with dinner at one of my favorite Italian places, where I treated myself to chicken marsala.

Tomorrow if it's nice out we'll be going to the lake where I hope to go hiking through the woods and enjoy the beautiful fall colors this amazing city seems to have every year!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


I'm here! I'm alive!  I swear!  I've been working like an idiot at work, they offered me some overtime to help out another department meet some year-end deadlines.  On top of that we didn't have internet access at home for most of October.  *sigh*

My weight-loss is still chugging along.  After my September loss of 5 or 6 lbs I've sort of plateaued again which we all know I *love*!!!

Granted, I have allowed myself to slip some, I'm still staying within my weekly and daily points but the food hasn't been the healthiest and I really need to refocus my energy on that and get back to work on that.

Anyway, I'll have a weigh-in this Friday.  I've been doing my weigh-ins, but I'm not sure I'm going to write posts about each of them.  I will post them over on the right hand side but trying to go back and write out how I felt after each one is going to be almost impossible, so I'm just going to pick up where I left off on Fridays weigh-in.

If you're still reading this, thank you!  If you're someone like me who's on a weight-loss journey, I hope it's going well for you and I encourage you to stick with it!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Back to life...back to reality

Oh my goodness, these last 4 weeks have been a whirlwind of activity. A WHIRLWIND I tell ya!

My hubs and I started our vacation/long-overdue honeymoon in Washington DC.

And ended with this...

Cape Town, South Africa

Walker Bay, South Africa

Franschhoek, South Africa

And our personal fave...Kruger National Park, South Africa

With all of that amazing traveling came lots of great food.  I tried new things, like Ostrich steak and grilled Kudu.  I had beef tar tar, which I still don't get why that's even a food and I ate a leaf that our guide in the bush told me was edible and would save my life should I ever find myself lost in the bush without a cushy 5-star lodge anywhere close by. 

Friday, September 23, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 23.0

Last weigh-in: 319.6 lbs
Current weigh-in: 319.6 lbs
Change: -

Considering how tired I've been this week and the busy schedule I've had to get back in the habit of dealing with, I'm just thankful that it wasn't a gain.

I'm feeling more human than I have since we got home and I am going to try and get back in the swing of things with some walks and hikes in the next week.  The weather is supposed to start turning yucky so I should take advantage of it while I can.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 22.0

Last weigh-in: 324.6 lbs
Current weigh-in: 319.6 lbs
Change: -5.0 lbs lbs

My biggest loss since my first week or two on the plan.  I'm quite proud of myself considering I was on vacation and without internet access.  Because of no internet, I wasn't able to track my foods or points.  I did get lots of exercise though, we did a lot of hiking and exploring on foot.

I'll have a post up soon about it.  We just got back to DC this morning after a 22 hour flight and I'm exhausted.  We fly home to Seattle tomorrow after resting at a friends house tonight and I can't wait to get home!

Friday, September 2, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 21.0

Last weigh-in: 325.6 lbs
Current weigh-in: 324.6 lbs
Change: -1.0 lbs

I leave for my big trip tomorrow! Today is The Kids birthday.  I took the day off from work to surprise her.  She's a little put-out by not being able to join us on this trip, so I think a little spoiling is in order today.

See you when I get back in two weeks!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 20.0

Last weigh-in: 326 lbs
Current weigh-in: 325.6 lbs
Change: -0.4 lbs

I'm excited about the next couple of weeks!  I'm going on vacation next week and I'm in the middle of preparing for it.  It will be my first international flight, my first time out of the country (When you live this close to Canada, and you go there frequently, you don't count it as "going out of the country"... sorry Canada!)

I'm also excited that I've finally broken out of that disastrous plateau!

Even though I won't be posting for a few weeks, I'm still here and can't wait to tell you about my trip!!!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 19.0

Weigh in
Last weigh-in: 329.8 lbs
Current weigh-in: 326 lbs
Change: -3.8 lbs
Dear #326:
Oh. I've been waiting for you. Since February 25th, 2011 to be exact. I've cried for you. Ached for you. BEGGED for you. Went on anti-depressants for you! Not that I didn't enjoy seeing the first 12 lbs come and go...the only problem with them is they kept coming...and going....coming...and going. It got tiresome. I'm happy that you're here. Let's not ruin it though by having you outstay your welcome and next week how about you bring me an even lower, new number. Mmkay? kaythanksbye!
Lastnight me and The Kid went for a long walk. Not just along the top of our hill either, we did "The Loop"...which is a 1.42 mile walk and about half of that is a long steady climb to the top and then we loop back down to our street and come home. The distance isn't that far when you look at some of the other walks I've done, but considering that I've been doing .3's and .5's for the last two weeks in order to not screw my foot up again, this is a "nice long walk".
It felt good too. Especially having that time with The Kid. She's a lot of fun and because of work being insane lately, going through this depression this summer, I haven't been as engaged with her as I'd like to be. So every chance I get, we go for a walk together, or we snuggle in the recliner. We always have amazingly funny conversations on our walks too. For instance...lastnight we're walking along and she's quiet (which is r.a.r.e.) and she starts saying "5...4...3...2...1....................AWWW! Come ON!" and I said, "What?" She said, "I was counting down to a burp and it didn't WORK!"
Long story short...we really had fun and as we were walking home she grabbed my hand and asked me if we could do it again. I feel bad for how much my depression has effected her this time. Last time I was going through this she was much younger and I'm not sure she understood much, but now she's older and can see me going through this and it worries her and I know it makes her sad too. It's a nice feeling knowing that I'm coming out of it, feeling better, and moving on.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine

Am I bi-polar? Geesh.

I'm feeling better today. I always feel better when I eat right...I think there might be something to that :-)

This morning I had a peach, chopped up and in a bowl and I poured a Yoplait Harvest Peach yogurt over the top of it and ate that for breakfast.

For lunch I had a turkey sandwich with lettuce and tomato and onion (I normally *hate* lettuce and tomato on food other than salads...but I'm doing it for my waist!) and a two cup serving of strawberries, grapes and cherries.

I didn't get as much water as I normally was extremely busy and before I knew it, it was 5:00 and I'd only had 36 ounces. Not bad...but not what I normally intake either.

For dinner, The Hubs is going to grill hamburgers and he's going to make mac n cheese for him and The Kid, while I eat more fruit.

I'm a little nervous though...I posted on a WW message board asking for some help and when I posted what I eat on an average day I was told.....get this........are you sitting down??? That I don't eat enough...what. the. hell???

After thinking about it though, I suppose they're right. They also suggested changing what I eat (as in...don't eat salads everyday for three months...*sigh*) because eventually your body gets used to that and stops responding (DAMN YOU BODY! WORK WITH ME! I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU!). So I'm going to start working on that.

What makes me nervous though is getting my family on board with new foods...The Hubs and The Kid aren't big on new things, and if I accidentally slip up and use the word "Healthy" ... they may disown me and move out (Oh...but then I'd be alone! That might be a plus! ... I kid, I kid!).

I am going to start out with things that are healthy but aren't blatantly obvious, screaming 'healthy' from the mountaintops. I'll lull them into a false sense of security and then BAM! Fat free sour cream! They'll never know what hit em'.

I feel like if I can take baby steps, this will work. Get my food under control (again....*sigh*) and go from there. Build my exercise plan and eventually find a bootcamp or a gym because I know that walking is wonderful, but I need weights thrown in too.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


I feel like maybe my last post was a bit whiney and negative. I'm not normally "that" person, I do my best to stay upbeat and positive and for the most part, it works.

When I first moved in with The Hubs, we struggled financially for a long time. Every time something bad would happen, or we'd take a step back in our progress, I'd go into this long downward spiral of negativity. He called me "The Angel of Darkness" .... I know .... and I still married him! :-)

Having him point out my negativity though, helped me grow. It helped me see what I was doing and how it doesn't solve your problems and even most of the time makes it worse. Now not only are you in this crappy situation, but you're depressed about does that solve anything?

I can feel myself being "The Angel of Darkness" with my weight loss and I'm trying to steer away from that. If I allow myself to get depressed over this the only thing that will happen is I'll get depressed! I won't lose weight. I'll most likely gain weight back.

So. I wrote this whole long-winded post out just to say this:

I'm dedicated to this weight loss. I'm going to have ups and downs. And I'm probably going to whine about it. BUT I'm not going to quit and I'm going to do my very very best to not be "The Angel of Darkness".

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I really feel like I'm drowning

I'm not a very good role model for weight loss.

I almost quit WW and deleted this blog today. I made it all the way to the cancellation page at WW and then convinced myself not to do it. And instead of deleting this blog, I decided to post. I think that's a positive sign since it would've been so so so easy to give it up and walk away.

I was planning on "doing it myself" ... which I should know better, is how I got into this position in the first place. I've been on this nightmare journey since February and have only lost 8.2 lbs. I'm frustrated. I feel like crying. I was down 11.2 lbs and thought it was going well but no matter what I try or what I do, I can't break through this barrier I've been on since May. I need help. I don't have any support from family or friends (they say, " look great!" No. No, I don't. I'm 160 lbs overweight for crying out loud. Crap on a cracker can you people not see me???)

Being on this plateau for three months makes me want to chuck it and give up. But when I think about giving up, it makes me want to throw up. I don't really want to give up, but I convince myself that it's not worth it. If I'm not going to be losing weight, why would I want to continue eating healthy and exercising when I could just as easily sit on the couch eating pizza and scarfing down those 1 lb Hershey bars (Cookies and Creme or the Chocolate Almond bar...come know what I'm talking about!) It's frustrating, and heartbreaking, and lonely. Most of all, it's depressing. I hate myself for wanting to give up, and at the same time, I hate getting on the scale after a week of working my butt off only to find out I haven't lost anything.

I need people around me who are going through this. What I need to do is find my focus again. I was so motivated back when I first started, I was so gung-ho about this whole thing and I just need to get back to that! HOW!?! Ugggh!!!

Monday, August 15, 2011


I have a migraine today, so I posted this recipe to Facebook with the note: "This looks delicious and I think that if you loved me, you'd take pity on me because I have a migraine and you should come cook this for me!" Not surprisingly nobody showed up to cook it for me and when I got home The Hubs took us out to dinner at The Blazing Onion (I had the Buffalo was delicious.)


Here is the recipe. I do plan on making this! It looks delicious and healthy! I got it from Map My Walk.

Chicken & Asparagus with Melted Gruyere Recipe

Servings: 4 servings

For this elegant dish, boneless chicken breast and asparagus are smothered in a luxurious white-wine sauce with just the right amount of melted Gruyère cheese. Tarragon and lemon add a delicious light flavor that is perfect with asparagus.

8 ounces Asparagus, trimmed and cut into 1-inch pieces
2/3 cup Reduced-Sodium Chicken Broth
2 teaspoons plus 1/4 cup All-Purpose Flour, divided
4 Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts, (1 1/4 to 1 1/2 pounds), trimmed and tenders removed (see Note)
1/4 teaspoon Salt
1/2 teaspoon Freshly Ground Pepper
1 tablespoon Canola Oil
1 Shallot, thinly sliced
1/2 cup White Wine
1/3 cup Reduced-Fat Sour Cream
1 tablespoon Chopped Fresh Tarragon, or 1 teaspoon dried
2 teaspoons Lemon Juice
2/3 cup Shredded Gruyère Cheese

Place a steamer basket in a large saucepan, add 1 inch of water and bring to a boil. Add asparagus; cover and steam for 3 minutes. Uncover, remove from the heat and set aside.
Whisk broth and 2 teaspoons flour in a small bowl until smooth. Set aside.
Place the remaining 1/4 cup flour in a shallow dish. Sprinkle chicken with salt and pepper and dredge both sides in the flour, shaking off any excess.

Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the chicken and cook until golden brown, 3 to 4 minutes per side, adjusting heat as needed to prevent scorching. Transfer to a plate and cover to keep warm.

Add shallot, wine and the reserved broth mixture to the pan; cook over medium heat, stirring, until thickened, about 2 minutes. Reduce heat to medium-low; stir in sour cream, tarragon, lemon juice and the reserved asparagus until combined. Return the chicken to the pan and turn to coat with the sauce. Sprinkle cheese on top of each piece of chicken, cover and continue cooking until the cheese is melted, about 2 minutes.

Calories: 304
Carbohydrates: 7 g
Fat: 14 g
Saturated Fat: 6 g
Unsaturated Fat: 6 g
Cholesterol: 90 mg
Dietary Fiber: 1 g
Potassium: 380 mg
Sodium: 367 mg
Weight Watchers Points: 4 per serving

Friday, August 12, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 18.0

Last weigh-in: 331.4 lbs
Current weigh-in: 329.8 lbs
Change: -1.6 lbs

Wow. 17 weeks! It's been a long, tiresome road and there have been so many days and so many weigh-ins where I've thought, "what's the point?" But there is a point! And this time, I can see that. It's not about losing weight necessarily, it's about making my life healthier and happier. SO...I'm still here and I'm still chug-chug-chuggin' along!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 17.0

Last weigh-in: 330.0 lbs
Current weigh-in: 331.4 lbs
Change: +1.4 lbs

My foot is starting to feel much better so I'm slowly getting back into my lunchtime walks. The weather is finally starting to warm up as well (Hello? It's AUGUST!) so it's much more enjoyable to be outside.

I've been super busy at work, and I really don't have much else to update! All I want to do lately is fall asleep when I get home because work is stressful and tiring!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 16.0

Last weigh-in: 332.4 lbs
Current weigh-in: 330 lbs
Change: -2.4 lbs

*sigh* I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sick of the number 329, 330, 331 and 332. That's where I've been hanging out on the scale since my June 3rd WI. *double sigh* I know I "took some time off" from caring, but now that I care again I'm really frustrated.

The good news is that my foot is feeling better and I'm hoping to be able to get walking again. We bought a new DVD player for our bedroom too, so now I can do my exercise DVD with the door closed and without worry my family will see me (self-conscious much?).

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

It hurts so bad!

Today my foot was feeling better so I decided to go for a lunchtime walk with some friends. We walked 1.86 miles down to a cafe for lunch and then back up to our office. The walk back is a looooong steady climb up an incline. When we got back to the office I could feel how hot my foot was and it felt like it was slightly swollen. I elevated it on some boxes and put an ice pack on it which seemed to help.

I wasn't done with the self-destruction though. Oh, no I wasn't.

The Kid was performing in a neighborhood parade and The Hubs called me at 4:30 to tell me that her helmet was in the trunk of my car. I left early and sat in The Worlds Worst Traffic Jam for 45 minutes, almost making me late. When I got there and parked, I had to run/walk up a hill on the hard pavement to reach them and then I had to walk down the parade route to where my mom was and THEN I had to walk back up the hill to get to my car after the parade.

By the time I got home I could barely walk and the top of my foot looked like a golf ball was stuck under the skin. Now I'm sitting here with ice on my foot waiting for The Hubs to get home and take pity on me and make me go to bed.

Monday, July 25, 2011


I know. I should stop being so self-depricating.


My fabulous time yesterday on my bike is now clouded in misery. I was sitting in my office today and got up randomly and realized: "HOLY CRAP MY FOOT HURTS!" I think that riding my bike yesterday screwed my foot up. I broke this foot 10 years ago and ever since then I've had problems with my foot. Sometimes when I put too much stress on it problems happen! I don't ride my bike very much and I think the way your feet move on the pedals is what screwed it up.

I'm not a doctor...but I assume that can happen. My mom and The Hubs are both afraid I broke a tiny bone in my foot, but I don't think that's the case. Regardless of how it happened or what's wrong with it...icing it and keeping it elevated seems to help!

Here's hoping my family is wrong. They're usually right though...which, in this case...totally sucks.

Sunday, July 24, 2011


I went with The Kid and The Parents over to the lake and we rode our bikes around. It's an almost 3 mile loop around and we went around once. I would've been up for going around once or twice more but By the time we got around the first time, I thought I could keep going and we were about to head over by some soccer fields and try a quieter trail, but we ended up collapsing under some maple trees and people watching. I had to explain to The Kid that people watching isn't the same as creeping or stalking. I don't think she understood.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 15.0

Last weigh-in: 329.8 lbs
Current weigh-in: 332.4 lbs
Change: +2.6 lbs

I feel fortunate really. The last two months I've done nothing to lose weight...almost no exercise, I've not been monitoring my food intake and I've been depressed. So to only have gained 2.5ish lbs is somewhat remarkable. I'm happy that I'm back on track and that I didn't completely waste all the work I did in previous months.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


Yeah yeah yeah. I'm a terrible blogger. And worse than that? I'm also a terribly depressed, bad dieter. Ugh.
Anywho - I finally had enough of the darkness around me and went to see my doctor. He prescribed me Wellbutrin. That on top of the thyroid medication I'm on, should help my mood...and my internal body temperature (I feel like I'm burning up ALL. THE. TIME.)...and help my motivation, which should eventually all combine together to help me with my ultimate goal here which is to lose weight and feel better about myself.
One of the things I've committed myself to doing again is recording my points. I *thought* even though I'd stopped recording them, that I had a pretty good handle on what I was eating and thought maybe I could drop WW and just start monitoring my own food intake. Out of curiosity though I recorded a daily food diary and almost passed out. I was going way over my points, and didn't even realize it. I felt like I was in control before but I was slowly but surely slipping and losing control and not paying attention to my diet.  I was eating lunch out more and more, which means fast food.  My dinner portions were getting bigger - and greasier - and I wasn't making breakfast smoothies anymore, choosing to skip breakfast completely most days.
Things obviously had gotten to a very low point for me and I finally snapped myself out of it.  I went to the store and bought a bunch of Lean Cuisine meals.  My favorite is the Garlic Chicken steamer lunch, but they're kind of expensive so I bought a few of those and bunch of the normal lunches in different varieties.  The only kind of frozen lunch I have a hard time getting on board with is mexican food.  I just can't eat frozen tortillas.  The pasta dishes and the "comfort food" type dishes are what I tend to stick with. 
I think I just have to keep reminding myself that losing weight is a process.  It's not easy.  I think what baffles me most is that you don't even hardly notice when you're's so easy...and fun (One one of my darker days...I ate Popeyes Chicken EVERYDAY for a week for dinner.  The 4-piece meal.  It was fun...and made me feel the time.) 
Anyways - here's hoping people that read this are still doing well with your weight loss...and here's hoping you still come around here to see what I'm up to!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Food phases and cravings

A friend of mine and I were talking about lunches and how we go through "phases" ... Like when I ate a salad with a grilled chicken breast on top everyday for three months and then got burned out on it. Then I went through my chili phase (I ate it everyday for two weeks before coworkers started asking if we were doing alright financially. *sigh*) ... Now I seem to be in a Lean Cuisine phase with a piece of fruit, some string cheese and baby carrots on the side. Right now I'm convinced that I could live off of Lean Cuisines. I want to eat them for breakfast lunch and dinner.
I've also recently had a serious craving for hotdogs. I bought at Costco for lunch a few weeks ago, I ordered one at Five Guys, and I think about making them for dinner every night (I don't. I couldn't do that to my family.) I feel like I just need to eat them, like eating one RIGHT NOW would make me feel better, I'm imagining them like they're some sort of mouth watering delicacy that will just melt me to the floor when I take that first glorious bite. Sick. I know. It's a freakin' hotdog. But this is what I deal with!
When I was a kid and I'd have cravings for something I wouldn't normally eat, my mom would say it's your body's way of telling you that you need a key nutrient that the food you're craving has in it. So if you're craving spinach when normally you're all like, "Ew disgusting. Don't TOUCH me with spinach"... then maybe your body is trying to tell you that you need an iron boost. I don't hate hot dogs, I'll eat them but I've never craved them the way I've been craving them. And since hotdogs are kind of made out of leftover animal parts, I'm wondering what kind of nutrients they have in them. I'm a bit afraid to google "hot dogs" though because of what may show I'll do some more research on that some other time.

Anyway, I'm going to go find some hotdogs now.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Still truckin' along

I'm feeling better than I was two weeks ago in my last post. I'm still sticking to my plan and getting in as much exercise as possible.

I've not posted any weigh-in updates or posts in between because life has been...well...very busy! My daughter is out of school now, The Hubs is still looking for work, we're in the middle of planning a huge overseas trip and my job is getting more and more stressful and busy.

In the middle of all that, I got my test results back. I don't have Cushings Disease or early menopause, but I do have a slight problem with my thyroid so they have me on a small dose of meds daily. They're not confident that will help me with weight loss, but it can't hurt - right?

Have any of you ever tried natural dopamine pills? I can't remember the name of them and they are not with me right this sister sent them to me and wants me to try them. They're supposed to improve my outlook on life (her words...not mine) ... The Hubs doesn't want me to try them, and I'm a bit hesitant, although curious as well. Anyway, if you've had any experience with them good or bad, please fill me in!

I've gone back to salads for lunch, although I mix it up every other day or so with one of those new Lean Cuisine Steamers lunches...they're all kinds of amazing. They are like the bags of frozen veggies you put the bag in the microwave, and it steam cooks it for you. The only complaint I kind of have is that you have to scrape the sauce out of the bag and sometimes it gets messy.

I like them better then the ones that come in the plastic trays...someone told me once you aren't supposed to heat food up in those black plastic trays or eat out of them and even though I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist, it is one of those random things that stuck with me and I never got over.

My weigh-ins have been going well too! I lost two lbs two weeks ago and yesterdays weigh-in I lost 3 lbs. I'm now back down to 329 lbs. and I hope to keep it going down. I'd really like to be able to use my Wii Balance Board BEFORE Christmas so that I can say I used it the first year I had it! I'd also like to lose weight before our big trip in September!

Anyway, if you're still here reading - I appreciate it. I'm going to try and visit everyone's blogs this weekend! I wish you all well in this journey!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

A giveaway!

I love free stuff! One of my fellow weight loss bloggers, Diaries of a Fat Girl, is giving away a BondiBand...go here to enter!

I'm totally using excuses now

What the heck?

I was so "off" everything last week that I didn't even do a weigh-in. I'd tell you how, what, when and why, but really those are just excuses. When really I just haven't been doing it. I've slowly started pushing "losing weight" into the back of my mind, where it slowly dissolves into a non-priority and before long it just doesn't exist anymore in any form except the "I'm so fat...I need to lose weight." line that I use 1,000 times a day.

When I was dedicated to it, going through the process of following my plan, getting exercise everyday and actually working towards my goal, I felt great. I had confidence again. I didn't feel like a super model, but I could feel myself being healthy again. I felt good about myself.

Now that I've been slacking for two weeks, all that confidence and self esteem is gone. I am so unmotivated and unhappy that I feel worse than when I started this journey in February. I feel worse because I know I can do it. I have proof. I have proof that I can lose weight and the only reason I'm not losing weight is because I pretty much gave up.

I hit some road blocks, a minor patch of rough "real life" issues came up and what did I do? I threw in the towel on weight loss and let the rough patch consume my whole life. I sit around after work, completely immersed in some Netflix streaming movie instead of getting out and exercising. When I go for walks now, it's to the corner...just long enough for The Dog to do his "dog bidness" and come home again.

So anyway, here's to hoping that soon I find my mojo again. I need to find my motivation and my energy to want it again. This feeling of nothingness is nowhere to live long-term and I need to find that one thing that will snap me out of it.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 14.0

Last weigh-in: 326.8 lbs
Current weigh-in: 329.8 lbs
Change: +3 lbs

Holy crap! Where did that come from? My biggest gain yet! Yikes! Granted, I did overdo the food intake a tiny bit this week. Between the birthday lunch, birthday dinner, and cake w/ice maybe the incredibly delicious, yet not quite healthy, Chicken Enchiladas that I made this week...I can totally see where maybe a pound or 3 of that could've been avoided :-/

Although. Gosh. Those enchiladas were so good I can still almost taste them!


Next week is a new week. Right?

I've still not done the test for the Cushings Disease I talked about last week...I'm having a hard time being home for a whole 24 hours! If you miss a "sample" then you have to start all over again and you have to do it for a whole 24 hours. I'm either out at the lake, at work (which, if we're honest here, I'm not going to do that at work. Can you imagine having to explain the big orange container you're keeping in the staff lunch fridge that you carry to the bathroom everytime you go? Yeah, no thanks!)

As of today I also still haven't gotten any of the other test results back either. I'm assuming it's because of the long holiday weekend, but if I don't see test results in my inbox early next week, I'll be contacting the doctor.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Welcome to the sunny side

OMG! Someone PINCH ME! It is g.o.r.g.e.o.u.s. out there today! I have the next 5 days off of work and as long as the weather holds up (IT BETTER! *Fist shaking* I hope to be out at the lake or up hiking Tiger Mountain. I've wanted to do this trail for awhile, but before this year have never really felt any kind of motivation. See, my family doesn't like to hike and I've always had this thing before about doing things on my own. I don't like being alone and if I do something alone it feels like I don't have a reason to do it. I know. Crazy town. Whatever.

Anyway. I think the weather should start improving and since I've got the next 5 days off of work (Monday-Tuesday is a holiday and furlough and Wednesday is my birthday so I took PTO) I'm going to work on my New Years Resolution to "Do more things for myself and not let the guilt or lack of company dissuade me." I'd like to go hiking at Tiger Mountain, I'd also like to go down to the waterfront and walk through the Market. I used to go there all the time, but haven't been in years.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 13.0

Last weigh-in: 326.8 lbs
Current weigh-in: 326.8 lbs
Change: No change

I'm a slacker. I've not only been lacking in the blogging department, but in every other aspect as well. I'm so awfully busy at work and at home that I'm usually dragging my a$$ by the time I get home from work.

Doctor Visit

I went to see the endocrinologist yesterday. I hadn't been to this particular hospital in almost 10 years, it was really weird being back!

Anyway, I told him about my concerns with weight loss, the plateaus I seem to hit that never go away. How I'm always overheated but not sweaty. The joint pain, the migraines...etc. He had a bunch of questions for me as well. We spent probably 30 minutes going back and forth through a question and answer session.

All of that was so he could say, "Well, there's usually only 3 medically related reasons people can't lost weight."
None of which he thinks I have. What the f&%#? Why did we just spend an hour going over questions, then discussing symptoms and treatments all so you could tell me it's most likely not any of those? Can I have my $40 co-pay back now? Please? He had me go to the lab anyway, to get tested for all 3 just in case. The worst test is the one for the Cushings Disease. I haven't done it yet. I have to pee into a large orange container for 24 hours and then take it back to the lab. It's going to be great. I can tell. (Can you smell the sarcasm?) I should know results next week. I'm kind of torn between wanting something to be wrong with me and not wanting something to be wrong with me. If something is wrong with me that means it's treatable, on the other hand though, if something isn't wrong with me, then why can't I lose weight?

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Sad days ahead

My cat is sick.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not a "crazy cat lady"...but I love my kitty. I've had him since he was 6 weeks old. He was a good friend to me while I was suffering from depression. He was my constant companion when I was a stay at home mom, and he's moved cross country with me. Three times.

We took him to the vet this weekend, he wasn't eating and he was peeing all over the bathroom floor. When I found him this morning he was soaking wet from wetting on himself and covered in litter. I gave him a bath and realized for the first time how much weight he'd gone (It made The Kid gasp when she walked in and saw him dripping weight and nothing but bones.)

The vet thinks it's kidney failure :-( We've got him on special food and gave him some injections for dehydration, and we're keeping a close eye on him.

Keep him in your thoughts though OK? He's a special little guy and I'm not sure what I'd do without him!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 12.0

Last weigh-in: 327 lbs
Current weigh-in: 326.8 lbs
Change: -0.2 lbs


It only took me 12 weeks to figure this out but over there ----> on the right side of my page I've been tracking my weight loss. Just recently I happened to notice that what I was recording over there didn't match what Weight Watchers has been recording. I thought, "How is that possible?!" Well, simple really. I was only keeping track of my losses, and not adding in the couple of gains I had. I'd lost almost 13 lbs according to my calculations, when in reality I'm only down about 11 lbs since I started this 12 weeks ago.

Speaking of that......

Should I be frustrated that I'm only down 11 lbs? That's averaging about a lb per week, so should that be fine or should I be down closer to 20 lbs? This is why I don't read the community boards on WW anymore. Everyone had lost like 15 lbs in their first month or two and I was only down less than 5 lbs. It's depressing if I approach it that way. Not so much depressing if I only stick to reading the blogs on here that I follow. It seems like the other blogs I follow are more in sync with me. Does that mean I'm not following WW correctly? Am I wasting money? Should I cancel WW and go it alone with the use of free online tools? Grrr.


I've been giving running/jogging more and more thought. I used to love running. After I broke my ankle it was hard for me to do it though. After awhile I gave up completely. When I power walk, or attempt to jog, my ankle swells up to the size of a baseball and hurts for several days. I KNOW! I should get that checked. I kept hoping that eventually the more exercise I did, the less that would happen, but so far I haven't noticed much of a difference.

I'd love to try the C25K program, but I think I'll need to consult a doctor first. The last thing I would ever want is to hurt my ankle again and be unable to do any kind of exercise. I think we can all agree that the amount of exercise I'm doing now is 10x better than no exercise at all!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

C25K and the Furry 5K

Have any of you tried the Couch to 5K Running Plan? If you have, and you're similar in weight to me, how did it go for you?

Several of my friends are trying it, one is moderately overweight, another just had a baby and is trying to work off baby weight and some excess weight from before. I haven't jogged since High School, which was about 13 years ago. Some coworkers and I were looking over the program and I think we're going to try it together. I told them I wouldn't be doing the training for it at work, but we could do it on our own at home and then work our way up and run in a 5K together, right? That would be fun, and motivational. I was going to try and use my Map My Walk account to track my times and workouts. If any of you are reading this and want to try it with us, let me know and I'll send you my Map My Walk info and we can be "friends" on there and keep up that way.

If I decide to do it, I'm going to start on May 23rd, so that it's a fresh week. I haven't totally made my mind up to commit to it yet, so I'm going to think about it a bit more. I know that if I want to keep up the losses, I need to do something to change my workout routine.

Also, on June 12th me and The Dog will be walking in the Seattle Animal Shelter Furry 5K. I don't think I'll be ready to run it by then, but I have wanted to participate in this for a few years now and I think this is the year to do it!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 11.0

Last weigh-in: 330.4 lbs
Current weigh-in: 327 lbs
Change: -3.4 lbs

It was a very good week! I wish every week could be this easy and great and wonderful full of sunshine and happiness.

I've not been blogging this week because this week has also been a very very very hard week. Stress. My husband was interviewing for a really fantastic job and found out they passed on him for someone else. After that kick in the gut, we hit some financial problems that have us both in a bit of a depressing state this week.

The thing that helped so much is that this time instead of eating my stress away, I exercised it away. I went walking more this week than I've gone in a long time. It felt good to walk off the stress.

If next week is better than this week, I'll be happy, but I'm hoping I can keep up the weight loss momentum!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 10.0

Last weigh-in: 331 lbs
Current weigh-in: 330.4 lbs
Change: -0.6 lbs

So a loss is a loss right? I have a picture to post later, it's my graph from Weight Watchers. The part that makes me laugh is there's a huuuuge dip from a few weeks ago when I dropped down to a whopping 329.2 and then it slowly climbs back up. Almost as if to say, "NO NO NO! That is UNACCEPTABLE! You can NOT be less than 330!!!"

The surprising part, and I know I shouldn't necessarily be happy about this, is that I didn't do anything this week. I haven't been feeling well, I've been sick. My husband went out of town for a job interview and the thought of moving is making me stress out and be kind of an idiot. I've counted pounts, but haven't been too mindful of what I'm eating (I'd talk about eating 4 peanut butter cookies and two chocolate chip cookies lastnight but I don't think we need to necessarily dwell on my downfall!). The rain has returned which has left me with not a lot of options exercise wise, so I put in the walking dvd lastnight after I spent over an hour fighting with The Kid to go to bed ( NO! You can NOT stay up until 1:00 a.m. on a SCHOOL night to wait for your dad to come home!) By the time I got that situated and the DVD in, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed, so I did maybe a 1/2 mile with the DVD and then collapsed in my chair to watch 30 Rock.

My lunches have been doing pretty well this week. I've had chili (which I found out I'd been counting the points wrong on all this time! I kept thinking "Wow, 8 pts for a can of chili? Not bad! WRONG. That would be one serving and a can is two servings. Oops.) and some salad, but I think I'm officially done with salads. Maybe not done done, but we definetly need a Ross/Rachel break. I need to see other foods. My mom does this thing on Sunday afternoon where she cooks up all these meals and then freezes them in Tupperware containers so she has lunches for the week. It's like making your own frozen lunches. I know what you're thinking: "That's a great idea! Making your own lunches!" No. I was going to pay my mommy to do it for me. WHAT?! She's already doing it for herself!

I kid, of course. On top of making lunches for herself on Sundays she also makes her own dogs food...and I'm afraid that asking her to make my lunches will result in a "mix-up"!!! Ha ha.

Anywho. I've still not passed over my "plateau" yet and I'm a little nervous that I'm going to be stuck in this range for awhile (Fat So Sarah commented she was on a plateau for 3 months. I don't feel like I have the patience to endure something like that. I feel like if it keeps up I'm going to head the direction I've always headed, slowly start getting frustrated and feeling like it doesn't matter what I eat or how often I exercise because it doesn't matter anyway.

It's going to be a constant struggle, but I'm going to do my best to keep it up.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Oh Emmm Geeeeeee

Holy leg kicks batman!

Another appropriate name for this post could be: "How Leslie Sansone kicked my ASS"

Today The Hubs and The Kid took The Dog to Doggie Disneyland ( park...however you prefer to read that...) and I had the whole glorious afternoon to myself. I've got all the windows open letting the beautiful air outside come in and de-stink the house (it's been pretty closed up lately thanks to the crappy weather we've had and is in bad need of an air-out!). I'm also doing laundry.

Anyway, I was sitting here browsing our Netflix instant queue on the Wii and remembered that a few months ago when I first got back into this weight loss thing, that I bought the Leslie Sansone: Walk at Home: Walk Away Your Waistline! DVD and belt. It sat in it's box next to our recliner for the last 8 or so weeks, unopened, sealed up tight. I'd bought it after reading some posts on Weight Watchers Community boards, and after it arrived I convinced myself it was silly to have done that because hello? Walking outside is much more intense than walking place right?!

So yeah. I put the DVD in and had the option of choosing the full workout, 1, 2 or 3 miles. I thought "What the Hell...I'll do the full workout. Most of my walks outside are between 2 and 3 miles anyway, so this should be easy peezie right?! Oh, my poor distorted little mind.

She had me doing knee kicks and side steps and and and about the 3/4 mile mark I was falling behind and cursing out Leslie's smug little smile.

I made it through the 1 1/2 mile mark before I collapsed in exhaustion in my chair and fumbled for the Wii remote and instant streaming of Wings: Season One.

The work out though was great. It almost felt like I did after I was done working out with my personal trainer. I just need to find time when The Hubs and The Kid aren't around so I can do it without feeling like a beached whale silly.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

A day to myself!

I suffer from serious wife and mother guilt. It takes a lot to get me to be OK doing things for myself (My husband has to nag me to buy clothes for myself sometimes).

On Friday a co-worker, who's become a good friend of mine, invited me to The Tulip Festival. I almost didn't go because my dad and I took The Kid on a bike ride first thing in the morning, we did almost 10 miles. When I got home my muscles felt fine, legs were a little jelly-fish like, but the part that hurt the most was my is still a bit on the sensitive side tonight, but I had a fantastic day with friends at the festival!!! We walked through the gardens at Roozengaarde, and visited the fields, the gift shop, had some ice cream and took lots and lots and lots of pictures!

I took 103 pictures, posted 58 to Facebook and created a new slideshow for my computer. I got to play with a friends Nikon D40 which totally made me drool. I love photography and would eventually like to work my way up to a "real" camera and take some classes on photography. Right now I use my cute little Samsung point and shoot, which I's red and was a gift from The Hubs. It takes great photos and I can manipulate them with iPhoto, so I'm happy with it but boy I'd LOVE the Nikon!!!

Friday, April 29, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 9.0

Last weigh-in: 329.2 lbs
Current weight-in: 331 lbs
Change: +1.8 lbs

*sigh* Frustrated is a bit of an understatement.

This happens to me every time I am on a weight loss regiment. I'll lose 5 or 10 pounds, hit a rut and then can't get out of it. They always say there's a plateau after 10 lbs that you hit and after a week or so you pull out of it and lose another 10 lbs. My only problem is that I don't pull out of it. I stay in this rut for weeks and weeks until I get to the point where I'm so frustrated that I give up.

I'm not going to give it up this time but I'm not going to lie and say everything is great and I feel wonderful and positive and next week will be different and blah blah freakin' blah.

All you can really do is just keep going and try to work through it. We'll see how next week goes, yeah?

Doctor's Appt

I didn't blog about this when I found out, I don't think...but I found out in the last few weeks that my insurance doesn't cover even a penny of weight loss surgery. I wasn't sure they would, but I was hopeful atleast. I called the billing department and got an estimate of what my out of pocket expense would be and even if I set up payment plans, it wouldn't feasible until The Hubs is working again. That was a bit of a letdown, but I scheduled an appt with my doctor today to talk to him about a prescription maybe to help with weight loss. He was on board with it and then decided maybe I should meet with an Endocrinologist. I'm hoping that between the two of them they can come up with a plan that will help.


Someone on the WW Community boards was talking about posting pictures to document your weight loss. That makes me uncomfortable, as I don't necessarily care to have my picture taken, let alone having it taken specifically for the purpose of judging my body. I tossed it around and decided to take the damn pictures and get it over with! So. Here they are...*sigh*

Friday, April 22, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 8.0

Last weigh-in: 330.4 lbs
Current weight-in: 329.2 lbs
Change: -2.2 lbs

I took this photo on my walk last night.

I've had such a good week. I've gotten out every night this week and exercised. OH, minus Wednesday night...but every other night this week I've gone out. Plus I've stuck to my points plan and feel pretty much back on track with monitoring and being aware of what I'm eating, how much I'm exercising and I feel like I'm back in a good place.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

A secret

I have only shared this with one other person in my "real" life...and he was a therapist. I used to be a terrible binge eater. I used to suffer from severe depression.

I used to fantasize about getting in my car and driving away from my life. Never suicidal thankfully, and never actually got in my car and left, but always thought about it. "I'm a miserable person, and if I'm miserable then all these people in my life must hate me so they'd be better off if I left and never came back." It gives me goosebumps and tears well up in my eyes remembering the darkness I had in my life.

I used to think, "I'm fat. I'm not ever going to be skinny again. Why not eat whatever the f*&k I want and see how fat I can actually get?" When I would go to lunch I'd go through - sometimes - up to three drive-thrus. I'd hit McD's for a #1 and eat that. Then I'd pull across the street into KFC and get a four-piece meal. I'd eat that. Then on my way back to work if I was still "hungry" I'd go to Burger King and get a double Whopper for dessert. It makes me full just remembering it, but at the time I still felt empty when I got back to work and would sometimes eat M&M's all afternoon.

The whole time I was having these thoughts and doing these terrible things, I was lying. To my family, my friends, my coworkers, myself. "What did you do for lunch today?" "Oh, I went to Subway and then I took the sandwich down to the beach and sat on a bench and ate it. Then I went for a walk." I'd always tell myself, "Oh it's just one time, you'll be better tomorrow! Enduldge yourself once in awhile!" ENDULGE MYSELF? WTF?!?!?! Killing myself is more like it.

Getting help for my depression was key. I think if I hadn't gotten through that then I'd still be binging and I'd probably be living in an abandoned rail car somewhere in the rugged outback of Canada so my family wouldn't have to put up with my miserable self anymore.

My doctor helped too. He wasn't a therapist, but when I went to him to get a prescription for anti-depressants, not knowing me at all, he said, "I make all my patients suffering like you make me a promise. If they don't make this promise to me, then I don't give them the prescription and instead I send them to inpatient care. You have to promise me that if you ever feel like doing something bad, even if it's leaving, or if you ever do think about suicide, that you'll call me. I'll give you my home phone number. You call me. Do you understand? If you can't make me that promise, then I'm going to refer you to inpatient treatment."

I don't know why an almost-stranger was my breaking point, but I crumpled in his office. Sobbed hysterically. It was that one moment in his office where it finally hit me. "I'm really worth something. Whether it's to my coworkers, or my husband and child at home. Or to this silly doctor I just met. I'm worth more than this."

That happened 4 years ago. A few weeks after that meeting, I joined a health and wellness program that my health insurance partially paid for. That's where I met my therapist, my nutritionist and my personal trainer. After I got laid off and lost my health insurance I couldn't afford to pay out of pocket for it anymore, but what I took away from it has helped me tremendously.

I still suffer from depression but it's on a more "normal" level now. I get depressed over "regular" things...I'm not saying that I'm 100% cured and well adjusted (Hello? Have you met me?!) but I'm definetly in a much better place, and well on my way to increased mental health, which I firmly believe is going to be key in helping me lose weight.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

It's the little things

When you break down your own personal diet and exercise plan, what do you see? Here's mine:

  • Walking. Walking walking walking. I used to do more, jogging, horseback riding, bicycling, hiking (Which I still love and can do a little here and there), but I broke my ankle 10 years ago and never fully recovered my range of motion and while I haven't had it confirmed yet, I'm fairly certain it's arthritic. Regardless of my limitations on other forms of exercise, walking helps. I gained a pound and a half over two weeks where I only went out for one or two walks. I've been walking every night for a week and I'm pretty confident that I'll see a loss on Friday morning. I have an advantage in the form of a very energetic dog that demands long, meandering walks through my incredibly hilly, challenging neighborhood.
  • Stairs. Don't underestimate the power of these monsters! My office is on the third floor of a building and you enter on the 2nd floor. I counted. It's 16 stairs to my floor. I used to take the elevator (until people started getting stuck in it...yikes.) and now I take the 16 little stairs up every morning and afternoon. I also take the stairs in my apartment building. I don't climb 10 flights of stairs, but I can feel it in my legs after I've climbed even two or three flights. Those bastards kill but in such a good way it's hard to stay mad at them.
  • Pushups. OK. This is where I get kind of weird. I do wall push-ups. In the shower. I KNOW! A few years ago I had this really great, totally amazing personal trainer and he kicked my a$$ with push-ups and back extensions. I still hate back extensions, but I like push-ups. I only do about 10-15 a day and it's while I'm in the shower. HEY, it's convenient and the bathtub and wall are perfectly aligned so it's easy. Plus, you know...I can't get sweaty if I'm standing under a shower.
  • Food intake. I think it's important to eat healthy, but I don't go overboard. If I want pizza, I eat pizza. If I want a Kidd Valley Cheeseburger and some onion rings, I'll have it. This is where Weight Watchers and I have always disagreed. This is why I stopped going to WW meetings and only doing the plan online. They will tell you, "If you're craving a cheeseburger, eat a rice cake." WTF? Have you eaten a rice cake and a cheeseburger? There's a difference. If I'm craving a cheeseburger and I eat a rice cake, chances are I'm still going to be craving that cheeseburger. So why not eat it? The problem arises when you start "craving" a cheeseburger every day for every meal.
  • Water. It took me and water a long time to be friendly. I thought water was the most pointless drink ever. It has no flavor. Sometimes it does and it's not a good flavor. I grew up on a farm, with well-fresh water everyday of my life. Moving to the city all of a sudden and I was like, "WOW, water sucks! It tastes funny. Why can I even taste water?!?!?" So I didn't drink it for a long time. Slowly though, I started adding it back into my life. I only drink out of a water cooler or bottled water and only in life or death situations will I drink water straight from the tap. I have to load it up with ice because Hello? Luke warm water is nasty. I have a 26 oz water bottle and I fill it up to 24 oz. Why not the full 26 oz? Because they want you to drink 8-8oz glasses and it's easier for me to track if I do it in 8 oz's not that I can't do the math or anything but if I'm being completely honest, I have to be exact. There's none of this "I drank 80.79 oz of water today." It has to be a nice fat round number. Yes, you may call the asylum now. Between this and the push-ups in the shower admission, I'm sure I've certified the crazy.
  • Smoothies. I *heart* smoothies. I make some of the craziest combinations of smoothies and people see it and go, "I'm mixed what with what to get that?" I buy frozen fruit, mix it with a half cup OJ and a half cup milk (2%) and throw it in my little smoothie maker that The Husband rocked me with for Christmas (I can't believe I talk like that...) and I eat it. It's an easy way of getting your fruits/veggies for the day if you struggle with that and it's kind of fun to see what different fruits taste like when you combine them (I don't recommend plain yogurt, peaches, blueberries and blackberries being put together...that was something I won't be doing again. Yikes.)
Anyway, that's another peek into my crazy how I'm working it off.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 7.0

Last weigh-in: 330.4 lbs
Current weight-in: 331.4 lbs
Change: +1 lbs

I should've titled this post "Holy Crisis Mode Batman" because quite honestly when I got on the scale this morning all of my bravado from the last few weeks totally flushed away and I wanted to go back to bed, curl up with a 3 lbs Hersheys bar with Almonds and just eat away my anger and frustration, disappointment and the general feeling of suckness that I felt.

Blah blah blah. I can increase my exercise, and refine more of my eating choices and I know that will do the trick. It's frustrating because I know (I KNOW!) what I need to do, but getting back into my routine after the trip has been harder and more frustrating than I thought it would be.

I've just had this overwhelming feeling of failure all week. I try and stay positive and have a good outlook on life and things, but MAN it's getting harder and harder. The harder that gets the harder it is to maintain my diet and exercise routine.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I have 4 lbs of frozen strawberries and 2 lbs of frozen blueberries in my freezer that I bought for smoothies. I eat a lot of smoothies (I admit...I totally eat my smoothies. Spoon and everything. It makes me feel like I'm eating ice cream and that way I don't crave it) for breakfast but I still have all this fruit and I feel like I could do other things with it.

What are some of your favorite (healthy-ish) fruit recipes? Do you have any good smoothie recipes? I'm open to more fruits than strawberries and blueberries and bananas too. I don't like mixing fruit into things like cottage cheese, or yogurt, OH and I won't put it in salads unless it's strictly a fruit salad. (Times like this, I wonder why I pick on The Husband for being a picky eater because my pickiness really starts showing when I ask for day I'll post all my little weird food things and you'll laugh hysterically and send me a straight jacket!)

Sunday, April 10, 2011


I made this back in January when my husband spent a week in LA visiting his mom. He isn't big on eating things like pork roast, pork chops or ... well ... he's a whole special being and I'm not going to get into all of his food stuff. Bottom line: When he leaves to go out of town, The Daughter and I eat things we can't eat when he's home. Since he's still in LA (The Daughter and I drove home and he's flying home tomorrow) I decided to make it again because we both really liked it.

I found the original recipe in a Cooking Light magazine (January/February 2011) and then did what I always do with recipes...change them to my liking. The recipe below is what I changed it to. I will not not not not not eat capers or anchovies so those had to go.
Pork Medallions with Bell Peppers

  • 1 (1-pound) pork tenderloin, trimmed and cut crosswise into 1-inch-thick medallions
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
  • 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
  • 3 garlic cloves, thinly sliced (you could also use minced garlic from the store)
  • 1 red bell pepper, sliced
  • 1 yellow bell pepper, sliced
Preparation Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat. Sprinkle pork with salt and pepper. Add oil to pan; swirl to coat. Add pork to pan; cook for 5 minutes. Reduce heat to medium; turn pork over. Add seasoning (I use garlic/herb seasoning, or lemon/bell pepper seasoning or Lawry's Seasoning; cook 7 minutes or until peppers are tender and pork is done.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 6.0

Last Weigh-In: 329.8 lbs
Current Weigh-In: 330.4 lbs
Weekly Change: +0.6 lbs

I told you. It doesn't make me feel any better having foretold what would happen, but atleast it's not a whole lb. Now that I'm home from the trip, de-stressing, and getting my life back on track hopefully it'll start going down again. I'd write more, but we got home last night and I'm supposed to be at work today so I am kind of dragging this morning!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Sunny Southern California

I've missed you.

We've been living up North for almost 5 years now and while things are definetely better financially, we all really miss the sun and our friends in LA. Our ultimate goal is to eventually buy a house here and move back, but I have some serious family guilt that I have to work through before I can truly be happy living down here.

My family is estranged. It's a long story, but in the end I'm the 1 of 3 kids in my family that are a constant in my parents life for one reason or another. I live in the same city, and get along with them. We spend holidays together, have dinners together, they spend lots of time with my daughter and we house sit for eachother. We are fairly tight knit with them. I love them. Whenever I talk about wanting to move away though, I get the face. You know what face I'm talking about because it's the same face we all gave our parents when they told us no as kids...or the face our kids give us when we tell them they can't eat ice cream for breakfast. They don't want me to go and guilt me for it. My mom is subtle about dad not so much. He lays right into me about why I need to stay and why I shouldn't leave them.

I can't imagine why I'm stress-eater, suffer from depression and fat.

I did end up getting some exercise while we're here though. The Husbands brother called us on Saturday while we were still driving down and said that some of the family were looking for a distraction and decided to take kids to Disneyland and did we want to go with them? Yes. We have annual passes and would not pass up an opportunity to spend the day there. I walked until my little (big) feet melted right out of my shoes. It was fantastic.

The food is about what I expected. I'm eating salads and In N Out Burger (I KNOOOOW! But hello? YUM!?) OH and today I had tacos at a mexican place in Disneyland and passed on the beans and rice and got steamed fajita vegetables instead. I still am not eating 3 full meals a day though, still not much of an appetite. I'm worried about family stuff and helping The Husband and Daughter deal with the passing of someone we all loved very much.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 5.0

Last Weigh-In: 330.8 lbs
Current Weigh-In: 329.8 lbs
Weekly Change: -1 lb

This is good. I'm betting that I'll either have no change or will have gained by next week. We are leaving for Los Angeles this morning and I know I won't be getting much exercise in, and while I am going to make an effort to eat well while we're driving down and back, I'm sure I won't have a lot of "fresh" options and will be eating less than stellar food.

Ever since finding out about my mother in law I haven't had an appetite. I'll eat a banana or some veggies, but mostly because I force it down. I'm just too worried and stressed about things right now to eat and my body isn't helping because I don't actually get hungry.

Thursday, March 31, 2011


My husbands mother passed away yesterday after battling illness for several years. We are on our way down to Southern California in the morning to be with family and attend the funeral. It's very quiet in our house and there's a black cloud hanging over us. I'm asking for strength and patience to get through the next few days. My husband has 6 older brothers and our relationship with them has been strained. I am hoping that we can put those feelings aside in memory of their mother and at least be civil to each other. I still feel sick to my stomach though, imagining being surrounded by them for the next week.

I'm thankful that I'm not necessarily an emotional eater, in fact I'm kind of the opposite. I've hardly had an appetite for anything since yesterday. I've been forcing myself to eat and stay on plan, but I'm really not interested in food.


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Salad bar

One of the teams in my office (Most places call them "Departments" but not us!) put together a Salad Bar potluck today. My contribution was bacon bits (which I don't eat...but the list already had about 50 things on there and I didn't want to copy anyone) and chopped cucumbers (How come nobody else thought of this except me? I love cucumbers...)

We seriously had over 50 toppings and if I had been a total jerk I would've taken two plates of salad just to try all of them.

It gave me some ideas though. I eat a salad everyday for lunch and after a few weeks I started getting bored. Which is bad. I started imagining going to Taco Time or Wendy's. Now that the salad bar is over I have all kinds of new ideas for my salads, which has reinvigorated my love for salad.

On my shopping list for next weeks salads are:
  • Garbonzo Beans
  • Peas
  • Honey Mustard Dressing (My favorite is the Roasted Red Pepper dressing from Kraft, but I'm a little burned out on it!)
  • Sunflower seeds
Until today my salad "recipe" has been:
  • Romaine lettuce
  • Chopped cucumber
  • Carrots
  • Grape Tomatoes
  • Two things of string cheese, cut up and added (I suppose I could just use shredded mozzarella, but the string cheese also makes a good afternoon snack)
  • About 4 oz of grilled chicken (I buy the frozen, pre-cooked Tyson Grilled Chicken Breasts and microwave them for 2 minutes...yum)
  • Every week or two I'll buy Hass Avocados and use 1/2 of one in a salad, to me they have a very distinct, powerful taste though, so I only use them once in awhile so that I don't get tired of them and so that I can taste the other stuff in my salad
  • Kraft Roasted Red Pepper salad dressing, I bought it a few months ago for a pot roast recipe I wanted to try and ended up using the leftovers on my salad and GOODBYE RANCH DRESSING Hello NEW LOVER!!!

I've been eating various versions of the above salad since I started this plan in February, I tried adding a Smart One frozen meal with it, but I really don't like most of the flavors they have. Once in awhile I'll heat up a frozen tamale (one of our clients makes them, brings them in and sells them by the dozen so I have some on hand in case I forget lunch or something). Last week I was feeling adventurous and threw in a turkey sandwich (I know. SEXY!)

The way I figure it, I eat a super healthy breakfast and lunch, and that way I don't feel bad for what I eat for dinner (My husband isn't on a diet or sticking to a plan and I am having a hard time with that...which is a post for a different day...)

Friday, March 25, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 4.0

Last Weigh-In: 330.8 lbs
Current Weigh-In: 330.8 lbs
Weekly Change: No change


At least there wasn't a gain this week. I did start exercising again, but slowly. I did a mile tonight and am hoping to do another 2 or 3 tomorrow if the weather cooperates. (My letter to the sun had no went away the same day it came out. *sigh*)

Today part of my job was reorganizing a storage unit that my company uses because our office has no storage. Me and a friend spent the afternoon there venting about other coworkers who don't pull their weight, and rearranging, moving and throwing out old boxes of fliers, brochures...etc. It was stuffy and hot in there, and I sweated like a freaking cow but I felt good. It's about as close to lifting weights as I'll get.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Dear Sun:

You and I have a rocky history, what with the blistering sunburns as a kid...the years I lived in LA resenting you, not realizing how much I was taking advantage of you.

I'd like to call a truce though. Maybe you come around more often and maybe I stop complaining so much about your oppressive heat waves and unnecessary reddening of my sensitive, delicate Irish skin.

These last six months without you have been harder on me then any years prior. I thought moving up here would be great! Growing up in the Pacific Northwest, I missed it. I missed snow, and rain. But now after 5 years of being back makes me pine for the days where I didn't have to plan my day around whether or not my socks would need to be changed twice because of the rain.

I used to enjoy the dark, gray dreariness of the PNW winters...reveled in the snow we'd receive, laugh at the Emerald City drivers who couldn't (or wouldn't) put up with it.

But now! Dear Gawd in Heaven bring back the bright warm hug of your rays!!!

When I woke up this morning and you were bursting through the bedroom blinds, I almost CRIED I was so excited. If my big fat ass could've managed it, I would've SKIPPED from my car to the office this morning!

Lunch was glorious! I got out and walked over the freeway and to the little park at the bottom of the hill that overlooks downtown and the bay. It was freaking amazing!

Tonight when I got home, me and The Dog went for a 1.79 mile walk in JUST. A. SWEATSHIRT!!!

So...from me to you, Sun. Truce, mkay?
Love you!
Fat Chick

So anyway!

My walk tonight was intense. I live at the bottom of a big hill, so when I left I walked straight up to the top, across one block, down that hill, across to the next street, up, over, down...and so on for 5 blocks. Then around a big loop and down to the bottom of another hill, and over again, up the last hill and home again.

To say that I was out of breath is a bit of an understatement. Since these last two weeks I've only been averaging about a mile a week (Down to the corner and back usually), tonights walk pretty much wasted me!

I really do hope that todays amazing weather (SIXTY! DEGREES! SUNNY!) keeps it up and continues improving! It's amazing what it does for my emotional health as well as my physical.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

A 3 1/2 mile weekend

This morning when I woke up the birds were chirping. I always consider that a good sign, like maybe they're chirping because they aren't drowning in rain!

We took The Dog to the dog park and walked him out to the end of the trail where the dogs can go swimming. Only...not our dog because he doesn't like the water that much and even if it is sunny, it was still cold.

The walk down and back is a teeny bit over a half mile, so if you throw in our walk yesterday, I did just over 3 1/2 miles this weekend.

My broken ankle is throbbing, and my joints hurt...but as much as I so would love to complain about it, I'm not going to.

I had an email from my doctor. All of my lab results came back and even though I can't read them (Um? Hello? Not a doctor.) I'm assuming they are good to go since they were emailed to me instead of in a "Yes, we need to talk" kind of phone call.

I wrote them back, asking what the next step is in proceeding with lap-band surgery and they want me to schedule a follow-up appt with my doctor. I guess that means the ball is in my court now. Why am I procrastinating then? I should be on top of this! Truth is...the more real this surgery becomes, the more worried I become. I'm not worried about dying really...but it's more of a cosmetic fear.

I've seen pictures of people after they've had surgery and they have all this loose skin hanging off of them and that is what terrifies me. How do you get rid of that? Plastic surgery?

Yes, I'll make the appt and I'll go through with the surgery. In the end it is more important to be healthy...right?

Saturday, March 19, 2011

OH what a CHANGE!

Today the sun was out, which always improves my mood. Me and my husband and daughter took The Dog to the local lake to enjoy the sun, a picnic, and a nice (long) walk around the lake. It turned out to be a 2.98 mile walk (probably a little over 3 by the time we were back to the car, but I only counted the loop around the lake).

It felt so so so so good to be out in the SUN! The WARMTH! The glorious wonderful weather! Which should all go away by Monday when the doom and gloom of spring rain returns. I'll be out again tomorrow to enjoy it more though. Hopefully that will get the momentum going enough to get me started on my walking DVD while it rains next week.


Friday, March 18, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 3.0

Last Weigh-In: 332.4 lbs
Current Weigh-In: 330.8 lbs
Weekly Change: -1.6 lbs

I think this week was more luck than anything! I didn't do crap in terms of exercise and while I stayed on track with points, I didn't follow through on my "healthy checks" and I didn't exactly pay attention to what I was eating.

It's been one of those weeks full of depression and unrest. I feel bored, unhappy and restless. When I get like that all it makes me want to do is curl up under my yummy green flannel comforter with The Dog and sleep until it feels better again.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


This week is one of those weeks where it has me thinking that living anywhere else would be better. I'm normally the kind of person who loves the rain and gray. Not anymore. This is the first year I've lived here where I am over it. Done. Ready for the sun. I want to go outside and play. Go hiking. Be active. Have fun. LIVE.

Please God let the rain go away.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 2.0

Last Weigh-In: 333.4 lbs
Current Weigh-In: 332.4 lbs
Weekly Change: -1 lbs

Hopefully it's not raining tomorrow and me, The Dog and The Daughter (and maybe The Husband if he's feeling better) can spend the morning at the lake walking around it, it's a perfect 3 mile loop and it's gorgeous and relaxing. I still haven't tried the walking dvd I got this week, I'm a little self-conscious and don't want to do it in front of my husband, so I need to figure out the logistics on that. It will probably involve my laptop and doing it in my bedroom.

To share...or not to share
One thing I've been wondering about is whether to share this journey with my family and friends. I know it would be easier in terms of support and love I'd get from them, but I also know that right now it feels safer and less embarrassing to just not acknowledge it. It's like an elephant in the room that everybody can see, but nobody wants to talk about. The only reason I told my husband is because he sees our bank statement and would know anyway because I'm paying for Weight Watchers, but other than that, nobody else knows and for right now I'm OK with it. Maybe down the road when my confidence is up a bit and I'm not feeling like a complete and total lard-ass then I'll start opening up about it more, but for right now, I'll be keeping it between me, the message boards on WW and this nice little somewhat anonymous blog here.

Thursday, March 10, 2011


I've had better weeks I 'spose. It's been raining like Noah's Ark lately so I've not gone out much for walks, but I'm sticking to my points plan and working on my daily "Healthy Checks" ... Those are the hardest for me though, I hate keeping track of "how much" I'm eating, but I do it for the points plan, but I feel like I'm doing double duty counting up my healthy checks. I'm doing it, but I don't necessarily like it!

Tomorrow is my 2nd weigh in and I'm a little concerned because of the lack of exercise this week, but I don't think it will be too bad and hopefully I'm wrong and it's still a loss because I'm eating better.

I bought a walking DVD, and it came yesterday, I'm hoping to try it out and if I like it I'll use that when it rains so that I don't have an excuse to not walk.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In 1.0

Last Weigh-In: 338lbs
Current Weigh-In: 333.4lbs.
Weekly change: -4.6lbs

This morning when I got on the scale it said I weighed 100lbs. I got on and off of it several times and each time it gave me a different weight. As much as I'd love being 100lbs, that's not exactly accurate.

So after work tonight I stopped and bought a scale. One that measures up to 350lbs, just so there isn't any room for error (my broken one went up to 340 and I was worried that it wasn't working because I'd gone over 340 *shiver*). Anyway - I got home and went back and forth in my brain about whether to weigh-in today or first thing in the morning when they recommend you weigh-in. I was too nervous to wait, so I undressed and stepped on the scale.

I felt really good after I weighed in. I know that every week won't be like this, I know that it won't always be that big of a drop and it won't always feel this easy, but I'm going to use this to my advantage and keep the motivation going to stick to the plan and keep up with the exercise I've been getting.

Food Check-In
Even though I keep a food diary at Weight Watchers, I want to post here too what I eat. Not necessarily everyday, but once in awhile...sort of as a check-in for me mostly, so that I can read through and remind myself of what I'm eating and maybe catch myself if I feel myself teetering off my plan too severely.

Breakfast: Coffee, with 4 tablespoons Hazelnut coffee creamer
Lunch: Chicken teriyaki with white rice and 3/4 cup of shredded cabbage and carrots
Afternoon snack: Green apple
Dinner: Stagg 97% Fat Free Silverado chili with 1/3 cup of shredded cheese mixed in and tortilla chips, G2 Gatorade

Water: 32 oz throughout the day

Quote of the Day: "Today I know that I cannot control the ocean tides. I can only go with the flow...When I struggle and try to organize the Atlantic to my specifications, I sink. If I flail and thrash and growl and grumble, I go under. But if I let go and float, I am borne aloft." ~Marie Stilkind