Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I really feel like I'm drowning

I'm not a very good role model for weight loss.

I almost quit WW and deleted this blog today. I made it all the way to the cancellation page at WW and then convinced myself not to do it. And instead of deleting this blog, I decided to post. I think that's a positive sign since it would've been so so so easy to give it up and walk away.

I was planning on "doing it myself" ... which I should know better, is how I got into this position in the first place. I've been on this nightmare journey since February and have only lost 8.2 lbs. I'm frustrated. I feel like crying. I was down 11.2 lbs and thought it was going well but no matter what I try or what I do, I can't break through this barrier I've been on since May. I need help. I don't have any support from family or friends (they say, "Ohhh...you look great!" No. No, I don't. I'm 160 lbs overweight for crying out loud. Crap on a cracker can you people not see me???)

Being on this plateau for three months makes me want to chuck it and give up. But when I think about giving up, it makes me want to throw up. I don't really want to give up, but I convince myself that it's not worth it. If I'm not going to be losing weight, why would I want to continue eating healthy and exercising when I could just as easily sit on the couch eating pizza and scarfing down those 1 lb Hershey bars (Cookies and Creme or the Chocolate Almond bar...come on...you know what I'm talking about!) It's frustrating, and heartbreaking, and lonely. Most of all, it's depressing. I hate myself for wanting to give up, and at the same time, I hate getting on the scale after a week of working my butt off only to find out I haven't lost anything.

I need people around me who are going through this. What I need to do is find my focus again. I was so motivated back when I first started, I was so gung-ho about this whole thing and I just need to get back to that! HOW!?! Ugggh!!!


  1. You are at a high weight right now, believe me I've been there. I was 333 at my highest (FUCK!) in 2009, I got down to 279 then slowly worked my way back up to 311. Yup. Idiotic. Two months ago I started AGAIN at 311 and now I'm at 278. It can be done. WHAT are you doing to change? What can you commit to? Don't go crazy and change too much at once. Bulk up your fruits and veggies. Cut out fried foods and sweet snacks. Walk around the block twice a day. A major key is hydration, drink at least 8-10 glasses a day. Cut back some, move more. It seems difficult, like you're in a big fat dark abyss with no chance of escape, but you can do this. You are worth it. Why give up? Go for a walk, right now. After you read this comment. lace up your shoes and go walk for 10 minutes. Then tomorrow, get up and do it again. Write down some concrete goals. If you need more help than what we as fellow bloggers can offer, go seek it (nutritionist, therapist, etc.). Best of luck, be blessed.

  2. Yeah, you're right...I keep saying that to myself "Why are you giving up? What is it hurting to keep going?" So I'm going...

    I am doing a lot of walking. I go for a 30 minute walk on my lunch break almost everyday at work and then at night I walk my dog a minimum of 2 miles, sometimes I try to go more. I use mapmywalk.com to record my walks and am always trying to "outdo" my last walk...try to go a little farther next time...etc.

    I will admit that my "weakness" is getting enough fruits and veggies. Recently I've really bulked up my fruit intake, but I'm still struggling with veggies, only because there aren't that many that I like!

    Thanks for the comment, while I'm glad that I'm not alone, I'm sorry that you're going through it too! The crazy thing is that I KNOW I can do this...I just NEED to DO it and stick with it!

  3. April rocks for her comment to you, and I fully agree. Dont' give up.. theres something that isn't working for you presently and you need to find out what that is rather than scrapping the entire fight. Veggies are super important, you just have to find a way to incorporate them into your food. I sneak mine into all my meals and they virtually make everything taste so fresh and its all just a unified flavor. The hardest thing about this is fighting your self doubt and praising your self worth. You have it in you to do it, just don't give up. Your body will thank you in the long run!