Yeah yeah yeah. I'm a terrible blogger. And worse than that? I'm also a terribly depressed, bad dieter. Ugh.
Anywho - I finally had enough of the darkness around me and went to see my doctor. He prescribed me Wellbutrin. That on top of the thyroid medication I'm on, should help my mood...and my internal body temperature (I feel like I'm burning up ALL. THE. TIME.)...and help my motivation, which should eventually all combine together to help me with my ultimate goal here which is to lose weight and feel better about myself.
One of the things I've committed myself to doing again is recording my points. I *thought* even though I'd stopped recording them, that I had a pretty good handle on what I was eating and thought maybe I could drop WW and just start monitoring my own food intake. Out of curiosity though I recorded a daily food diary and almost passed out. I was going way over my points, and didn't even realize it. I felt like I was in control before but I was slowly but surely slipping and losing control and not paying attention to my diet. I was eating lunch out more and more, which means fast food. My dinner portions were getting bigger - and greasier - and I wasn't making breakfast smoothies anymore, choosing to skip breakfast completely most days.
Things obviously had gotten to a very low point for me and I finally snapped myself out of it. I went to the store and bought a bunch of Lean Cuisine meals. My favorite is the Garlic Chicken steamer lunch, but they're kind of expensive so I bought a few of those and bunch of the normal lunches in different varieties. The only kind of frozen lunch I have a hard time getting on board with is mexican food. I just can't eat frozen tortillas. The pasta dishes and the "comfort food" type dishes are what I tend to stick with.
I think I just have to keep reminding myself that losing weight is a process. It's not easy. I think what baffles me most is that you don't even hardly notice when you're gaining...it's so easy...and fun (One time...in one of my darker days...I ate Popeyes Chicken EVERYDAY for a week for dinner. The 4-piece meal. It was fun...and made me feel good...at the time.)
Anyways - here's hoping people that read this are still doing well with your weight loss...and here's hoping you still come around here to see what I'm up to!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Food phases and cravings
A friend of mine and I were talking about lunches and how we go through "phases" ... Like when I ate a salad with a grilled chicken breast on top everyday for three months and then got burned out on it. Then I went through my chili phase (I ate it everyday for two weeks before coworkers started asking if we were doing alright financially. *sigh*) ... Now I seem to be in a Lean Cuisine phase with a piece of fruit, some string cheese and baby carrots on the side. Right now I'm convinced that I could live off of Lean Cuisines. I want to eat them for breakfast lunch and dinner.
I've also recently had a serious craving for hotdogs. I bought at Costco for lunch a few weeks ago, I ordered one at Five Guys, and I think about making them for dinner every night (I don't. I couldn't do that to my family.) I feel like I just need to eat them, like eating one RIGHT NOW would make me feel better, I'm imagining them like they're some sort of mouth watering delicacy that will just melt me to the floor when I take that first glorious bite. Sick. I know. It's a freakin' hotdog. But this is what I deal with!
When I was a kid and I'd have cravings for something I wouldn't normally eat, my mom would say it's your body's way of telling you that you need a key nutrient that the food you're craving has in it. So if you're craving spinach when normally you're all like, "Ew disgusting. Don't TOUCH me with spinach"... then maybe your body is trying to tell you that you need an iron boost. I don't hate hot dogs, I'll eat them but I've never craved them the way I've been craving them. And since hotdogs are kind of made out of leftover animal parts, I'm wondering what kind of nutrients they have in them. I'm a bit afraid to google "hot dogs" though because of what may show up...so I'll do some more research on that some other time.
Anyway, I'm going to go find some hotdogs now.
I've also recently had a serious craving for hotdogs. I bought at Costco for lunch a few weeks ago, I ordered one at Five Guys, and I think about making them for dinner every night (I don't. I couldn't do that to my family.) I feel like I just need to eat them, like eating one RIGHT NOW would make me feel better, I'm imagining them like they're some sort of mouth watering delicacy that will just melt me to the floor when I take that first glorious bite. Sick. I know. It's a freakin' hotdog. But this is what I deal with!
When I was a kid and I'd have cravings for something I wouldn't normally eat, my mom would say it's your body's way of telling you that you need a key nutrient that the food you're craving has in it. So if you're craving spinach when normally you're all like, "Ew disgusting. Don't TOUCH me with spinach"... then maybe your body is trying to tell you that you need an iron boost. I don't hate hot dogs, I'll eat them but I've never craved them the way I've been craving them. And since hotdogs are kind of made out of leftover animal parts, I'm wondering what kind of nutrients they have in them. I'm a bit afraid to google "hot dogs" though because of what may show up...so I'll do some more research on that some other time.
Anyway, I'm going to go find some hotdogs now.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Still truckin' along
I'm feeling better than I was two weeks ago in my last post. I'm still sticking to my plan and getting in as much exercise as possible.
I've not posted any weigh-in updates or posts in between because life has been...well...very busy! My daughter is out of school now, The Hubs is still looking for work, we're in the middle of planning a huge overseas trip and my job is getting more and more stressful and busy.
In the middle of all that, I got my test results back. I don't have Cushings Disease or early menopause, but I do have a slight problem with my thyroid so they have me on a small dose of meds daily. They're not confident that will help me with weight loss, but it can't hurt - right?
Have any of you ever tried natural dopamine pills? I can't remember the name of them and they are not with me right this second...my sister sent them to me and wants me to try them. They're supposed to improve my outlook on life (her words...not mine) ... The Hubs doesn't want me to try them, and I'm a bit hesitant, although curious as well. Anyway, if you've had any experience with them good or bad, please fill me in!
I've gone back to salads for lunch, although I mix it up every other day or so with one of those new Lean Cuisine Steamers lunches...they're all kinds of amazing. They are like the bags of frozen veggies you buy...you put the bag in the microwave, and it steam cooks it for you. The only complaint I kind of have is that you have to scrape the sauce out of the bag and sometimes it gets messy.
I like them better then the ones that come in the plastic trays...someone told me once you aren't supposed to heat food up in those black plastic trays or eat out of them and even though I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist, it is one of those random things that stuck with me and I never got over.
My weigh-ins have been going well too! I lost two lbs two weeks ago and yesterdays weigh-in I lost 3 lbs. I'm now back down to 329 lbs. and I hope to keep it going down. I'd really like to be able to use my Wii Balance Board BEFORE Christmas so that I can say I used it the first year I had it! I'd also like to lose weight before our big trip in September!
Anyway, if you're still here reading - I appreciate it. I'm going to try and visit everyone's blogs this weekend! I wish you all well in this journey!
I've not posted any weigh-in updates or posts in between because life has been...well...very busy! My daughter is out of school now, The Hubs is still looking for work, we're in the middle of planning a huge overseas trip and my job is getting more and more stressful and busy.
In the middle of all that, I got my test results back. I don't have Cushings Disease or early menopause, but I do have a slight problem with my thyroid so they have me on a small dose of meds daily. They're not confident that will help me with weight loss, but it can't hurt - right?
Have any of you ever tried natural dopamine pills? I can't remember the name of them and they are not with me right this second...my sister sent them to me and wants me to try them. They're supposed to improve my outlook on life (her words...not mine) ... The Hubs doesn't want me to try them, and I'm a bit hesitant, although curious as well. Anyway, if you've had any experience with them good or bad, please fill me in!
I've gone back to salads for lunch, although I mix it up every other day or so with one of those new Lean Cuisine Steamers lunches...they're all kinds of amazing. They are like the bags of frozen veggies you buy...you put the bag in the microwave, and it steam cooks it for you. The only complaint I kind of have is that you have to scrape the sauce out of the bag and sometimes it gets messy.
I like them better then the ones that come in the plastic trays...someone told me once you aren't supposed to heat food up in those black plastic trays or eat out of them and even though I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist, it is one of those random things that stuck with me and I never got over.
My weigh-ins have been going well too! I lost two lbs two weeks ago and yesterdays weigh-in I lost 3 lbs. I'm now back down to 329 lbs. and I hope to keep it going down. I'd really like to be able to use my Wii Balance Board BEFORE Christmas so that I can say I used it the first year I had it! I'd also like to lose weight before our big trip in September!
Anyway, if you're still here reading - I appreciate it. I'm going to try and visit everyone's blogs this weekend! I wish you all well in this journey!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
A giveaway!
I love free stuff! One of my fellow weight loss bloggers, Diaries of a Fat Girl, is giving away a BondiBand...go here to enter!
I'm totally using excuses now
What the heck?
I was so "off" everything last week that I didn't even do a weigh-in. I'd tell you how, what, when and why, but really those are just excuses. When really I just haven't been doing it. I've slowly started pushing "losing weight" into the back of my mind, where it slowly dissolves into a non-priority and before long it just doesn't exist anymore in any form except the "I'm so fat...I need to lose weight." line that I use 1,000 times a day.
When I was dedicated to it, going through the process of following my plan, getting exercise everyday and actually working towards my goal, I felt great. I had confidence again. I didn't feel like a super model, but I could feel myself being healthy again. I felt good about myself.
Now that I've been slacking for two weeks, all that confidence and self esteem is gone. I am so unmotivated and unhappy that I feel worse than when I started this journey in February. I feel worse because I know I can do it. I have proof. I have proof that I can lose weight and the only reason I'm not losing weight is because I pretty much gave up.
I hit some road blocks, a minor patch of rough "real life" issues came up and what did I do? I threw in the towel on weight loss and let the rough patch consume my whole life. I sit around after work, completely immersed in some Netflix streaming movie instead of getting out and exercising. When I go for walks now, it's to the corner...just long enough for The Dog to do his "dog bidness" and come home again.
So anyway, here's to hoping that soon I find my mojo again. I need to find my motivation and my energy to want it again. This feeling of nothingness is nowhere to live long-term and I need to find that one thing that will snap me out of it.
I was so "off" everything last week that I didn't even do a weigh-in. I'd tell you how, what, when and why, but really those are just excuses. When really I just haven't been doing it. I've slowly started pushing "losing weight" into the back of my mind, where it slowly dissolves into a non-priority and before long it just doesn't exist anymore in any form except the "I'm so fat...I need to lose weight." line that I use 1,000 times a day.
When I was dedicated to it, going through the process of following my plan, getting exercise everyday and actually working towards my goal, I felt great. I had confidence again. I didn't feel like a super model, but I could feel myself being healthy again. I felt good about myself.
Now that I've been slacking for two weeks, all that confidence and self esteem is gone. I am so unmotivated and unhappy that I feel worse than when I started this journey in February. I feel worse because I know I can do it. I have proof. I have proof that I can lose weight and the only reason I'm not losing weight is because I pretty much gave up.
I hit some road blocks, a minor patch of rough "real life" issues came up and what did I do? I threw in the towel on weight loss and let the rough patch consume my whole life. I sit around after work, completely immersed in some Netflix streaming movie instead of getting out and exercising. When I go for walks now, it's to the corner...just long enough for The Dog to do his "dog bidness" and come home again.
So anyway, here's to hoping that soon I find my mojo again. I need to find my motivation and my energy to want it again. This feeling of nothingness is nowhere to live long-term and I need to find that one thing that will snap me out of it.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Weekly Weigh-In 14.0
Weigh-In
Last weigh-in: 326.8 lbs
Current weigh-in: 329.8 lbs
Change: +3 lbs
Holy crap! Where did that come from? My biggest gain yet! Yikes! Granted, I did overdo the food intake a tiny bit this week. Between the birthday lunch, birthday dinner, and cake w/ice cream...plus maybe the incredibly delicious, yet not quite healthy, Chicken Enchiladas that I made this week...I can totally see where maybe a pound or 3 of that could've been avoided :-/
Although. Gosh. Those enchiladas were so good I can still almost taste them!
*ahem*
Next week is a new week. Right?
I've still not done the test for the Cushings Disease I talked about last week...I'm having a hard time being home for a whole 24 hours! If you miss a "sample" then you have to start all over again and you have to do it for a whole 24 hours. I'm either out at the lake, at work (which, if we're honest here, I'm not going to do that at work. Can you imagine having to explain the big orange container you're keeping in the staff lunch fridge that you carry to the bathroom everytime you go? Yeah, no thanks!)
As of today I also still haven't gotten any of the other test results back either. I'm assuming it's because of the long holiday weekend, but if I don't see test results in my inbox early next week, I'll be contacting the doctor.
Last weigh-in: 326.8 lbs
Current weigh-in: 329.8 lbs
Change: +3 lbs
Holy crap! Where did that come from? My biggest gain yet! Yikes! Granted, I did overdo the food intake a tiny bit this week. Between the birthday lunch, birthday dinner, and cake w/ice cream...plus maybe the incredibly delicious, yet not quite healthy, Chicken Enchiladas that I made this week...I can totally see where maybe a pound or 3 of that could've been avoided :-/
Although. Gosh. Those enchiladas were so good I can still almost taste them!
*ahem*
Next week is a new week. Right?
I've still not done the test for the Cushings Disease I talked about last week...I'm having a hard time being home for a whole 24 hours! If you miss a "sample" then you have to start all over again and you have to do it for a whole 24 hours. I'm either out at the lake, at work (which, if we're honest here, I'm not going to do that at work. Can you imagine having to explain the big orange container you're keeping in the staff lunch fridge that you carry to the bathroom everytime you go? Yeah, no thanks!)
As of today I also still haven't gotten any of the other test results back either. I'm assuming it's because of the long holiday weekend, but if I don't see test results in my inbox early next week, I'll be contacting the doctor.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Welcome to the sunny side
OMG! Someone PINCH ME! It is g.o.r.g.e.o.u.s. out there today! I have the next 5 days off of work and as long as the weather holds up (IT BETTER! *Fist shaking* I hope to be out at the lake or up hiking Tiger Mountain. I've wanted to do this trail for awhile, but before this year have never really felt any kind of motivation. See, my family doesn't like to hike and I've always had this thing before about doing things on my own. I don't like being alone and if I do something alone it feels like I don't have a reason to do it. I know. Crazy town. Whatever.
Anyway. I think the weather should start improving and since I've got the next 5 days off of work (Monday-Tuesday is a holiday and furlough and Wednesday is my birthday so I took PTO) I'm going to work on my New Years Resolution to "Do more things for myself and not let the guilt or lack of company dissuade me." I'd like to go hiking at Tiger Mountain, I'd also like to go down to the waterfront and walk through the Market. I used to go there all the time, but haven't been in years.
Anyway. I think the weather should start improving and since I've got the next 5 days off of work (Monday-Tuesday is a holiday and furlough and Wednesday is my birthday so I took PTO) I'm going to work on my New Years Resolution to "Do more things for myself and not let the guilt or lack of company dissuade me." I'd like to go hiking at Tiger Mountain, I'd also like to go down to the waterfront and walk through the Market. I used to go there all the time, but haven't been in years.
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