Weekly Weigh-In 3.0

Weigh-In
Last Weigh-In: 332.4 lbs
Current Weigh-In: 330.8 lbs
Weekly Change: -1.6 lbs

I think this week was more luck than anything! I didn't do crap in terms of exercise and while I stayed on track with points, I didn't follow through on my "healthy checks" and I didn't exactly pay attention to what I was eating.

It's been one of those weeks full of depression and unrest. I feel bored, unhappy and restless. When I get like that all it makes me want to do is curl up under my yummy green flannel comforter with The Dog and sleep until it feels better again.

Depression

This week is one of those weeks where it has me thinking that living anywhere else would be better. I'm normally the kind of person who loves the rain and gray. Not anymore. This is the first year I've lived here where I am over it. Done. Ready for the sun. I want to go outside and play. Go hiking. Be active. Have fun. LIVE.

Please God let the rain go away.

Weekly Weigh-In 2.0

Weigh-In
Last Weigh-In: 333.4 lbs
Current Weigh-In: 332.4 lbs
Weekly Change: -1 lbs

Exercise
Hopefully it's not raining tomorrow and me, The Dog and The Daughter (and maybe The Husband if he's feeling better) can spend the morning at the lake walking around it, it's a perfect 3 mile loop and it's gorgeous and relaxing. I still haven't tried the walking dvd I got this week, I'm a little self-conscious and don't want to do it in front of my husband, so I need to figure out the logistics on that. It will probably involve my laptop and doing it in my bedroom.

To share...or not to share
One thing I've been wondering about is whether to share this journey with my family and friends. I know it would be easier in terms of support and love I'd get from them, but I also know that right now it feels safer and less embarrassing to just not acknowledge it. It's like an elephant in the room that everybody can see, but nobody wants to talk about. The only reason I told my husband is because he sees our bank statement and would know anyway because I'm paying for Weight Watchers, but other than that, nobody else knows and for right now I'm OK with it. Maybe down the road when my confidence is up a bit and I'm not feeling like a complete and total lard-ass then I'll start opening up about it more, but for right now, I'll be keeping it between me, the message boards on WW and this nice little somewhat anonymous blog here.

Meh...

I've had better weeks I 'spose. It's been raining like Noah's Ark lately so I've not gone out much for walks, but I'm sticking to my points plan and working on my daily "Healthy Checks" ... Those are the hardest for me though, I hate keeping track of "how much" I'm eating, but I do it for the points plan, but I feel like I'm doing double duty counting up my healthy checks. I'm doing it, but I don't necessarily like it!

Tomorrow is my 2nd weigh in and I'm a little concerned because of the lack of exercise this week, but I don't think it will be too bad and hopefully I'm wrong and it's still a loss because I'm eating better.

I bought a walking DVD, and it came yesterday, I'm hoping to try it out and if I like it I'll use that when it rains so that I don't have an excuse to not walk.

Weekly Weigh-In 1.0

Weigh-In
Last Weigh-In: 338lbs
Current Weigh-In: 333.4lbs.
Weekly change: -4.6lbs

This morning when I got on the scale it said I weighed 100lbs. I got on and off of it several times and each time it gave me a different weight. As much as I'd love being 100lbs, that's not exactly accurate.

So after work tonight I stopped and bought a scale. One that measures up to 350lbs, just so there isn't any room for error (my broken one went up to 340 and I was worried that it wasn't working because I'd gone over 340 *shiver*). Anyway - I got home and went back and forth in my brain about whether to weigh-in today or first thing in the morning when they recommend you weigh-in. I was too nervous to wait, so I undressed and stepped on the scale.

I felt really good after I weighed in. I know that every week won't be like this, I know that it won't always be that big of a drop and it won't always feel this easy, but I'm going to use this to my advantage and keep the motivation going to stick to the plan and keep up with the exercise I've been getting.

Food Check-In
Even though I keep a food diary at Weight Watchers, I want to post here too what I eat. Not necessarily everyday, but once in awhile...sort of as a check-in for me mostly, so that I can read through and remind myself of what I'm eating and maybe catch myself if I feel myself teetering off my plan too severely.

Breakfast: Coffee, with 4 tablespoons Hazelnut coffee creamer
Lunch: Chicken teriyaki with white rice and 3/4 cup of shredded cabbage and carrots
Afternoon snack: Green apple
Dinner: Stagg 97% Fat Free Silverado chili with 1/3 cup of shredded cheese mixed in and tortilla chips, G2 Gatorade

Water: 32 oz throughout the day

Quote of the Day: "Today I know that I cannot control the ocean tides. I can only go with the flow...When I struggle and try to organize the Atlantic to my specifications, I sink. If I flail and thrash and growl and grumble, I go under. But if I let go and float, I am borne aloft." ~Marie Stilkind

I didn't walk tonight

It's so freaking mother-effing cold here that even sitting inside is almost too cold to bear. The Dog hates me for it and I hate that I didn't suck it up and do it but I'll be at it tomorrow.

Triggers

Anyway, I didn't really log in just to 'fess up about not walking tonight. On my horrific drive home tonight (An hour to go 10 miles...HELP!) I found myself craving food. Not a particular food, but f.o.o.d. I wanted to freaking stuff my face. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't even bored...or necessarily all that stressed, I was just sitting in traffic seething through my teeth about how ridiculous it all is, and something washed over me that said, "STUFF FOOD IN YOUR MOUTH! SCREW WEIGHT WATCHERS! LIE! Don't count it on your tracker! JUST DO IT! You know you want to!" ........ and I did ........... which is why I don't keep food in my car.

I didn't eat anything, since I don't have food in the car, but I'm pretty sure that had there been food in the car there wouldn't be any crumbs left by the time I got home.

What are your triggers? Mine is obviously road rage and traffic. I know I also suffer from stress-eating, boredom eating, anger eating...etc. All the normal triggers, but also this weird little random one.

The Loop

Me and The Dog went for our usual walk through the 'hood tonight. I do a route through the neighborhood that I call "The Loop"...It's got this loop right in the middle and it's got this really steep uphill climb. When I first started this route it would take me 50-60 minutes to do it. It's 1.4-ish miles long. It took me an hour. I'd have to stop about halfway up the hill to catch my breath (Luckily The Dog likes to sniff...a lot...so it looked like I was letting him explore but really I was trying not to pass the Hell out).

Pretty soon The Loop took me 45 minutes, with only one stop halfway up the hill.

Now? A month into it? It takes me 33 minutes and I don't stop even once. Lastnight my daughter went with me and we were so busy talking and laughing I didn't even notice that we were going uphill until we got to the top.

I think when I go out tomorrow I'm going to add another section to the route, kick it up a notch or two. I think I'm ready. I really do feel good.