Back on...

I joined Weight Watchers tonight and am in the process of setting my account up and getting back into the swing of things!

Wish me luck!

Big goals

I have some friends who are really into 5K's.  They don't run them all the time, sometimes they walk.  I would like to eventually start jogging again, but I have to be careful with my foot.  I broke it 10 years ago and it never fully recovered.  When I've tried jogging previously, my ankle swells up and hurts for days afterwards.

For now, I will walk.  And walk.  And walk.

We were signed up to do the Jingle Bell Run in December, but I got horribly sick two days before the race and had to back out.  I was so so so so mad!

A few other races I'm signing up for this year...

• Hot Chocolate 5K
• St. Patricks Day Dash
• Furry 5K
• The Color Run
• Turkey Trot
• Jingle Bell Run

Do you have any big goals for 2013 and fitness?

Hey, Fat Girl

I've seen this circulating Facebook and every time one of my friends post it, I read it.  And every time I read it, I cry.  And cry.  And cry.  I'm that girl!  I'm the fat girl you see working my way slowly around the lake, trying to not make eye contact with the people who are "in-shape" because I don't fit in with them.  I do though, I mean, I do.   We're all working for the same thing, health and wellness.  We all have our struggles, we all have those days where nothing we do is motivational enough to get out of bed to exercise.

The difference would seem to be that they have fewer of those days than me!

Hey, Fat Girl - 

Yes, you. The one feigning to not see me when we cross paths on the running track. The one not even wearing sports gear, breathing heavy. You’re slow, you breathe hard and your efforts at moving forward make you cringe. 

You cling shyly to the furthest corridor, sometimes making larger loops on the gravel ring by the track just so you’re not on it. You sweat so much that your hair is all wet. You rarely stay for more than 20 minutes at a time, and you look exhausted when you leave to go back home.  You never talk to anyone. I’ve got something I’d like to say to you. 

You are awesome. 

If you’d look me in the eye only for an instant, you would notice the reverence and respect I have for you. The adventure you have started is tremendous; it leads to a better health, to renewed confidence and to a brand new kind of freedom. The gifts you will receive from running will far exceed the gigantic effort it takes you to show up here, to face your fears and to bravely set yourself in motion, in front of others. 

You have already begun your transformation. You no longer accept this physical state of numbness and passivity. You have taken a difficult decision, but one that holds so much promise. Every hard breath you take is actually a tad easier than the one before, and every step is ever so slightly lighter. Each push forward leaves the former person you were in your wake, creating room for an improved version, one that is stronger, healthier and forward-looking, one who knows that anything is possible. 

You’re a hero to me. And, if you’d take off the blaring headphones and put your head up for more than a second or two, you would notice that the other runners you cross, the ones that probably make you feel so inadequate, stare in awe at your determination. They, of all people, know best where you are coming from. They heard the resolutions of so many others, who vowed to pick up running and improve their health, “starting next week”. Yet, it is YOU who runs alongside, who digs from deep inside to find the strength to come here, and to come back again. 

You are a runner, and no one can take that away from you. You are relentlessly moving forward. You are stronger than even you think, and you are about to be amazed by what you can do. One day, very soon, maybe tomorrow, you’ll step outside and marvel at your capabilities. You will not believe your own body, you will realize that you can do this. And a new horizon will open up for you. You are a true inspiration. 

I bow to you.

See the original post at Flintland

Happy New Year!

If there has ever been a year that I'm thankful to have behind me, it's 2012.  I'm not going to go into details, but the last 2 and a half years have been hard, and last year was by far the hardest.  Shortly after my last post here, I fell off the feel-good wagon and landed in a 6 month long puddle of depression.  I pretty much gave up on everything, and unfortunately my wellness plan was one of the things I let go.

I've gained back all of the weight that I'd worked so hard to lose.  I'm back up to 338 pounds and down to my last shred of self confidence and esteem.  This weekend I uploaded some pictures of me taken at Christmas and seeing how big I've gotten, really shook me.  You don't really ever notice it until you see a picture of yourself after a few months.

One of things that I stopped doing when depression hit was all the walking I had been enjoying.  I was doing 2 or 3 miles a day and I could feel how good it made me feel.  I didn't realize how good it was for treating my depression either until I went for a walk the other day and felt so great when I got home.

I've never been one to set "New Years Resolutions".  New Years is actually my least favorite holiday.  It feels like all you're doing is making a bunch of promises to yourself where, at the end of the year you get to look back on the big bag of empty, unfulfilled promises.

One thing I  do like to do is set goals for myself.  Some of the goals I have for myself this  year are:

1. Focus more on me.
1. Hang out with friends more
2. Be more assertive when people ask my opinion, stop giving them so much power over me
3. Spend more time doing things that I like to do
4. Read more books
2. Exercise more.
1. Take more walks
2. Work the Couch to 5k Training Program
3. Start ticking off some of the trails on my All Trails wish list
3. Save money.
4. Enjoy time with my daughter.
1. She's growing up so fast.  She'll be 12 soon.  Learn to be more patient.  Learn to let her grow up. 

Exercise challenges & a check-in

Tonight I went for my regular walk with my family and since it's snowing and freezing here, the streets were super icy and hard to walk on.  Normally I like to walk fairly briskly and take longer strides, but tonight I had to practically shuffle my feet and went the pace of a snail.

We're supposed to get more snow overnight, up to 6 inches, I secretly have my fingers crossed that my office closes tomorrow, but I'm not sure.  They've been threatening us with snow all week and so far we've only gotten about an inch.  If it does snow though and I'm home tomorrow I'm really looking forward to going hiking in the snow.

On Track
I do feel like I'm getting back on track.  I went over my points today, but that's what they give you the "weekly" points for, right?  The stuff I ate wasn't unhealthy, I just ate more than I normally would because I was hungrier than I normally am.  The only "naughty" things  I had today was a donut hole (Just one! Yay!) and 5 french fries from McDonalds (individual...not orders HAAA!) For dinner I had a Subway Spicy Italian, which used to be my favorite there but after tonight I'm thinking I've lost my taste for it.  It tasted too meaty or something.  I think I'll switch back to the chicken from now on.

Anywho - I'm feeling better and getting my diet in order.

My most important advice to myself...and you

...if "you" are still reading this!

Don't ever ever ever EVER assume that you can do this on your own.  Trust me.  You can't.  You need a support group, you need a plan.  You need motivation and you need focus.  Getting up in the morning and saying, "I can control this without help" is a lie.  And you know it. 

I just had to re-remind myself of this little piece of advice on Friday at my disastrous weigh-in.   I've gained back all but 6 pounds of the 20 I was down.

To say that I'm disgusted is an understatement.  My problem, and I recognize it fully now - is that I started getting cocky and assuming that since I was doing so well on Weight Watchers that I could start managing it on my own without recording my points and my exercise.  Slowly, week by week, I watched the pounds come back.  I stopped blogging, I stopped holding myself accountable.  I kept thinking, "It's only a pound, I'll make it up this week."  A pound a week adds up.  No shit huh?

Weekly Weigh-In

Weight: 331.2

Change: +4.2 lbs

What.

The.

Hell!!!!

FOUR.   POINT.  TWO.   POUNDS??? 

I'm losing my patience.  My faith.  I think it's time to reevaluate.  I either need to step up and do this or shut the Hell up about it. 

Happy New Year!

*sigh*

Right after Christmas my dad was diagnosed with Diabetes, which startled all of us. He's doing well, taking it in stride and doing all the work required. He's changed his diet and he's started exercising.

Him exercising has been a great motivator for me. This last week we've been out for 1/2 mile to 1 mile walks and today we went on a 2.5 mile hike around a local park that has nature trails running through it. The more he walks the better his energy is so each day we're able to walk a little further than the day before and on Friday he went up his first set of hills. I'm hopeful that he sticks with it and in a few weeks he'll be up to my speed of about 2 to 2 1/2 miles a day.

I've also decided to sell my bike *sad face* and use the money I get from it to save up for a more comfortable bike. I love riding bikes, but now that I'm older overweight, it's hard for me to ride a standard mountain bike. It hurts my wrists to lean forward on the handle bars and the pressure from pushing down on the pedals really bothers my ankle that I broke...so I'm thinking a new bike, like this is in store for me.

The holidays were tricky, I'm impressed that I didn't gain 10 lbs, but my weight went up and down every week like a teeter-totter. I didn't overeat and I didn't overload on sugar and sweets, but there wasn't a lot of exercising and I didn't exactly stay on plan. I'm forcing myself to get back on track this last week, and with the exercising and eating better I'm starting to feel better.

Refocusing

I was down almost 20 lbs! I got so excited I gained back 6 of them. Yuck. And yikes!

I was only half-assing my weight loss program, still weighing in, still exercising, but not tracking foods and not exercising to my fullest ability. I'd walk a half mile and call it good ... for a week.

When I started this program I posted all the time on here about how I wanted to hold myself accountable, be responsible and take this seriously. That worked for about 6 months and then in September I went on vacation for two weeks and when I got back completely let myself go.

It wasn't until I got on the scale last Friday and I realized my weight was creeping back up that it occurred to me that I've let it slip away again.

I don't want to go back to weighing over 330 lbs.

I don't want to go back to being winded walking up one flight of stairs at work.

What I do want is to be under 300 lbs so I can use my Wii Fit board that my amazing husband got me for Christmas a year ago (My original goal? To be there by October...which was totally reachable until I started slacking.)

What I do want is to take my daughter for bike rides, and fit in an airplane seat without being self-conscious of the person sitting next to me.

What I do want is to be healthy.

Finding creative ways to exercise

It seems like I've written about this before? But I looked back through my archives and couldn't find it.  Could be that it's on one of my previous blogs that I've deleted or something.  Either way, now that winter is here and the rain and wind is back it's harder for me to get out in the weather and exercise.

One thing I hate, but I do anyway because I know it's good for me, is stair climb.  My office is on the 3rd floor of an office bldg and whenever I come in or go out, I take the stairs (Unless I'm with my pregnant friend and co-worker who gets a little topsy-turvy on stairs!).  If I stop taking them for a day or two and then take them again, I can definitely feel the burn!  I'm still too overweight and when I get to the top, I'm usually out of breath, but the more I do it, the easier and less painful it gets.

Another thing I do is take the long way! There are several routes around my office, I can cut through a conference room to get to my bosses office or I can go around it and I usually go around it to get in the extra steps.   I also make as many trips as possible.  While trying to maintain efficiency in my job, I try and walk the office as much as possible.

I also am a believer in the little desk exercises people recommend (Lunges, back stretches, desk pushups...etc.).  Not only for the exercise but also because I read an article once where a news journalist died in Iraq from a blood clot he got from sitting too long without moving around.  I'm TERRIFIED now that it's going to happen to me so I'm and moving as much as possible!

Anyway, that's how I exercise at work and how I sort of make-up for maybe not walking as much at home when it's pouring rain outside.

Do you exercise at the office?  If so, how do you do it?  Do you skip the elevator and take the stairs?

Weekly Weigh-In

Weigh-In: 321.4 lbs

Change from last week: -1.0 lbs

If you've been a follower of my blog for more than a minute, (and if you're still here) you'll know that over the summer my weight loss stalled for several long agonizing whine-filled weeks. I went on vacation in September and lost 5 lbs and then proceeded to lose another 6 lbs the next few weeks after that.

Now, it would appear that I've gained a few of those pounds back and stalled again. Granted, I haven't gotten much in terms of exercise this last week because of the back problems, but I've been eating right, and before my back had issues I was getting exercise.

To say I'm frustrated again is a severe understatement. I have been working incredibly hard to not let this kill my motivation and so far I'm holding up OK. I went out lastnight and bought some new much-needed workout clothes and this morning went for a walk with The Kid and The Dog in the freezing cold morning weather (Still no snow. COME ON! Just a little bit???). I feel better, my back is improving more and more everyday and I feel good about what I'm eating.

This next week is a short work-week and Hubs and Kid leave Friday morning for a short trip which will give me time to myself for some hiking time, and while I always miss them when they go on these short trips to visit his family, I do enjoy the time alone because the guilt factor for doing what I want goes down drastically.

Next week is a new week, right? Keep your chin up! (Or in my case...chins. Har har har)

Ohhhhh hello Mr. Back Problems

I'm getting old.

There's no other way to say it that will make the hit any softer.

I'm getting old. And I'm fat.

And with those two ailments comes problems. Back problems to be exact.

Sunday night I was sitting in my recliner and when I got up, I must've gotten up kind of awkward or something because all of a sudden I was paralyzed. Couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't even talk to tell The Family that I was paralyzed. It was the worst, most shocking pain I've ever experienced. It truly felt like I'd cracked a rib or something. There was a muscle so deep in my back and I pulled it good.

By Monday morning I was in bed and still half-paralyzed, and by now it was spasming like nuts. Today I was feeling a teeny bit better and ended up going in to work. I haven't been able to walk more than a few feet without it spasming, I can't lift my hands over my head, and I was supersuperthisclose to letting The Hubs spoon feed me lastnight because I couldn't move my arms.

Here's hoping I recover quickly! Not only do I want to start exercising again, but breathing without sharp pains shooting through your body is a good thing I hear!

Thanksgiving

I love Thanksgiving. And I love food. Especially holiday food. My mom makes the best stuffing, and I usually make home made macaroni and cheese for my husband who isn't a big fan of most of the traditional sides. We made cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, turkey, stuffing, rolls, and pie. Lots of pies. I love all pie, I'm not discriminatory.

However, since I'm on this weight loss kick this year, I have had to make some adjustments to my menu. I'll be making several of my dishes from the Cooking Light recipe index.

I'll be making one of their recipes for Macaroni and Cheese although I haven't picked one specific recipe yet.

The Kid and I want to make an apple pie together.

And.....if she can be persuaded to give up her delicious recipe, I might try and make my own stuffing this year.

We'll also have to make some of the usual desserts too, I always make The Hubs a chocolate pudding cream pie and this year The Kid wants to make chocolate chip cookies.

What's on your menu this year?

11.11.11

I thought that 11.11.11 was supposed to be some magical day where all the good luck fairies fall out of the sky and make all your dreams come true?

That's not how my day went!

First, I wake up to find that I've gained a pound (*sssobbbb*) and then I go to Starbucks for my Skinny Vanilla Latte and a breakfast bar (Their triple berry coffee cake = to.die.for) and my total comes to $6.66. Not too much of a big deal since I'm not super superstitious, right?

I go to my car and plug in my iPhone so I can listen to it on my drive to work. I put it on my favorites playlist and song number 66 of 666 comes on. OK, now I'm getting worried.

I get to work and try to text my husband this: "Remind me to..." and my big fat fingers misspell "Remind" and my lovely auto correct "fixes" it by putting in "Demon"...

OK. Time to go home, yes? Yikes.

I made it through the day and we ended up having a really nice day that ended with dinner at one of my favorite Italian places, where I treated myself to chicken marsala.

Tomorrow if it's nice out we'll be going to the lake where I hope to go hiking through the woods and enjoy the beautiful fall colors this amazing city seems to have every year!

I'm ALIIIIIIIIIVE!

I'm here! I'm alive!  I swear!  I've been working like an idiot at work, they offered me some overtime to help out another department meet some year-end deadlines.  On top of that we didn't have internet access at home for most of October.  *sigh*

My weight-loss is still chugging along.  After my September loss of 5 or 6 lbs I've sort of plateaued again which we all know I *love*!!!

Granted, I have allowed myself to slip some, I'm still staying within my weekly and daily points but the food hasn't been the healthiest and I really need to refocus my energy on that and get back to work on that.

Anyway, I'll have a weigh-in this Friday.  I've been doing my weigh-ins, but I'm not sure I'm going to write posts about each of them.  I will post them over on the right hand side but trying to go back and write out how I felt after each one is going to be almost impossible, so I'm just going to pick up where I left off on Fridays weigh-in.

If you're still reading this, thank you!  If you're someone like me who's on a weight-loss journey, I hope it's going well for you and I encourage you to stick with it!

Back to life...back to reality

Oh my goodness, these last 4 weeks have been a whirlwind of activity. A WHIRLWIND I tell ya!

My hubs and I started our vacation/long-overdue honeymoon in Washington DC.

And ended with this...

Cape Town, South Africa

Walker Bay, South Africa

Franschhoek, South Africa

And our personal fave...Kruger National Park, South Africa

With all of that amazing traveling came lots of great food.  I tried new things, like Ostrich steak and grilled Kudu.  I had beef tar tar, which I still don't get why that's even a food and I ate a leaf that our guide in the bush told me was edible and would save my life should I ever find myself lost in the bush without a cushy 5-star lodge anywhere close by. 

Weekly Weigh-In 23.0

Weigh-In
Last weigh-in: 319.6 lbs
Current weigh-in: 319.6 lbs
Change: -

Considering how tired I've been this week and the busy schedule I've had to get back in the habit of dealing with, I'm just thankful that it wasn't a gain.

I'm feeling more human than I have since we got home and I am going to try and get back in the swing of things with some walks and hikes in the next week.  The weather is supposed to start turning yucky so I should take advantage of it while I can.

Weekly Weigh-In 22.0

Weigh-In
Last weigh-in: 324.6 lbs
Current weigh-in: 319.6 lbs
Change: -5.0 lbs lbs

My biggest loss since my first week or two on the plan.  I'm quite proud of myself considering I was on vacation and without internet access.  Because of no internet, I wasn't able to track my foods or points.  I did get lots of exercise though, we did a lot of hiking and exploring on foot.

I'll have a post up soon about it.  We just got back to DC this morning after a 22 hour flight and I'm exhausted.  We fly home to Seattle tomorrow after resting at a friends house tonight and I can't wait to get home!

Weekly Weigh-In 21.0

Weigh-In
Last weigh-in: 325.6 lbs
Current weigh-in: 324.6 lbs
Change: -1.0 lbs

I leave for my big trip tomorrow! Today is The Kids birthday.  I took the day off from work to surprise her.  She's a little put-out by not being able to join us on this trip, so I think a little spoiling is in order today.

See you when I get back in two weeks!

Weekly Weigh-In 20.0

Weigh-In
Last weigh-in: 326 lbs
Current weigh-in: 325.6 lbs
Change: -0.4 lbs

I'm excited about the next couple of weeks!  I'm going on vacation next week and I'm in the middle of preparing for it.  It will be my first international flight, my first time out of the country (When you live this close to Canada, and you go there frequently, you don't count it as "going out of the country"... sorry Canada!)

I'm also excited that I've finally broken out of that disastrous plateau!

Even though I won't be posting for a few weeks, I'm still here and can't wait to tell you about my trip!!!